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"What's the point of being filled with gifts if they can only be beaten out of you?"
"You're old enough to learn how to work a party."
"Come on in. The kids are in the backyard bobbing for pink eye."
"There's no way in hell this is what it's all about."
"We are so sorry – normally we don't allow him to have refined sugar."
"I'm not giving up the present till I see the party bag."