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"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."
"I never watched him at eleven-thirty-five and I didn't watch him at ten, and now, once again, I won't be watching him at eleven-thirty-five."
"So I said to Cousteau, 'Look, pal, you're not the only frog in the sea.' But, seriously, Jerry . . ."
"When 'Hey Diddle Diddle' came along, we jumped at the chance to work together."
"Cut to commercial! For pity's sake, cut to commercial!"
"And now let's welcome, for the first and last time . . ."
Items From the Jay Leno Fan Club
"Dump Leno and get Perot."
Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...
"So I hear you did your own stunts in this movie."
"I don't even know when late night begins anymore."
"How's life changed since you went viral?"