Marriage Counselor Cartoons

"I don't hate him because he's black. I hate him because he's my husband."

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

"I don't like him."

"I love you anyway, too."

"Maybe you ought to consider making love in the morning - before you have a chance to piss each other off."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

"Before we get going, is this the Big One?"

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"He said 'Tomato.' I said, 'Did you just say something?' He said, 'Nevermind.' I said, 'No—WHAT?' He said, 'Skip it.' I said, 'For God's sake, just spit it out.' He said, '..."

"You're both miserable wretches, but I suppose that's beside the point."

"We tried macrobiotics, we tried crystals, we tried meditation. Finally, we tried divorce. That worked."

"We love each other very much, and we concur on alcohol and coffee. But we're unable to come to an agreement on meat and fish."

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

"My wife understands me."

"And how does it make you feel when she jumps over you and calls you a lazy dog?"

"When we were together, he was always singing 'It Had to Be You.' Then, suddenly, he switched to 'I Gotta Be Me,' and I haven't seen him since."

"Any healthy relationship requires fundamental acting skills."

"She can forgive Nixon, but she can't forgive me."

"I don't want to sound simplistic, but I think a smaller couch with fewer throw pillows would help this marriage a lot."

"Look at you—folding the laundry two days before couples therapy."

"Look, you've been great. It's just that we'd like to start seeing other marriage counsellors."

"And I say we're functional and happy."