"Need anything from the bank?"
"When you're on their flowers, you're a snail. When they want to eat you, suddenly you're an escargot."
Tags:escargot, snail, snails, snail shell, snail shells, terminology, term, terms, fancy, mollusk, mollusks, mollusc, molluscs, entomologist, entomologists, entomology, gross-out, eat, eats, eating, garden snail, garden snails, fancy restaurant, french cuisine, french, euphemisms, mask, masks, masking, appetizing, appetising, unappetizing, unappetising
"Yes, he does speak, but only on condition of anonymity."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, bird, birds, bird owner, bird owners, parrot, parrots, parrot owner, parrot owners, pet store, pet stores, pet shop, pet shops, salesman, salesmen, clerk, clerks, speak, speaking, talk, talking, anonymous, anonymity, condition of anonymity, unnamed, unnamed source, unnamed sources, anonymous source, anonymous sources, mask, masks, hidden identity, hidden identities, secret identity, secret identities, media, press, journalism, journalist, journalists, reporter, reporters, reporting, source, sources, source of information, sources of information
"In case of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down in front of you for two dollars."
Tags:airline, airlines, airplane, airplanes, aeroplane, aeroplanes, flying, stewardess, stewardesses, host, hostess, air, oxygen, oxygen mask, oxygen masks, mask, masks, loss of cabin pressure, cabin, cabins, emergency, safety, safety precautions, safety precaution, take-off, speech, presentation, passenger, passengers, dollar, dollars, money, nickel-and-dime, nickel and dime, overcharge, overcharging, charge for everything, pay, cost, costs, costs of flying, cost of flying
"So you're depressed. Everybody's depressed—some of us just handle it better than others."
Tags:tragedy, tragedies, comedy, comedies, greek, greece, drama, dramas, play, plays, theatre, theatres, theater, theaters, melpomene, thalia, ancient, ancient greece, history, historical, smile, frown, sad, happy, emotion, emotions, feelings, mental health, depression, handle, handling, manage, managing, hide, hiding, mask, masks, emotional, problem, problems, psychology, psychological, entertainment
Semi-Autobiographical Plot-Lite Eploration of Aimless Twenty-Something Who Struggle To Express Their Wants & Needs.
1,001 Cheap Disguises
Tags:disguise, disguised, disguises, book, books, bad disguise, bad disguises, weirdo, weird, how-to, costume, costumes, fancy dress, park, parks, creep, creeps, creepy, hide, hidden, hiding, conceal, concealed, mask, camo, camouflage, masks, impersonate, impersonator, impersonators, impostor, impostors
"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."
Tags:modern life, modern lives, appearance, appearances, keep up appearances, keeping up appearances, superficial, superficiality, happy, happiness, financial ruin, gilded, gilding, gilded age, gilded ages, design, designs, designer, designers, interior design, interior designs, interior designer, interior designers, house, houses, housing, home, homes, homeowner, homeowners, mask, masks, masking, cover up, covers up, covering up, dysfunction, dysfunctional, dysfunctionality
"I think I'm mystery meat."
"That one goes particularly well with you tie."
Tags:tie, ties, suit, suits, outfitters, outfitter, mask, masks, mens fashion, mens fashions, men's fashion, men's fashion, business man, business men, businessman, businessmen, businessperson, putting on a mask, pretending, pretender, pretenders, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, self image, self-image, self-presentation
"Should I bother working out if no one knows my identity?"
Tags:executioner, executioners, execution, executions, guillotine, guillotines, public execution, public executions, mask, masks, disguise, disguises, hidden identity, secret identity, working out, get fit, getting fit, body builder, body builders, muscle, muscles, six pack, six packs, lazy, laziness, gym, gyms, gym goer, gym goers, black humour, dark humour
"No, I like my job. I like my apartment. I like my friends. I like our relationship. I'm just not sure I like what it all adds up to."
Tags:apartment, apartments, job, jobs, unhappy, unhappiness, depressed, depression, depressing, privilege, privileged life, life of privilege, add up, adds up, adding up, meaning of life, life, lifestyle, lifestyles, bewildered, bewildering, midlife crisis, midlife crises, job, jobs, career, careers, family, families, superficial, superficiality, mask, masks, masking
"You look nothing like you did through the peephole."
"Stop looking so married!"
A bank robber robbing a bank with a gun on a chain like a pen
Tags:bank, banks, banking, money, teller, tellers, bank teller, bank tellers, robber, robbers, robbing, robbery, robberies, bank robber, bank robbers, bank robbery, bank robberies, hold-up, hold-ups, stick-up, stick-ups, crimes, criminal, criminals, thief, thieves, steal, mask, masks, gun, guns, firearm, firearms, gun violence, violence, violent, threatening, threaten, threatens, gun crime, gun crimes, gun control, chain, chains, pen on a chain
GOP Happy Face
"Ah, the beach. My old nemesis."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, whale, whales, beach, beaches, seashore, seaside, coast, coasts, beached, stuck, trapped, nemesis, enemy, enemies, rival, rivals, foe, foes, superhero, superheroes, hero, heroes, cape, capes, mask, masks, masked, adventure, adventures, problem, problems, trouble, environment
"What if we stow the 'Star Wars' crap for five seconds, Timmy, and get to the geometry?"
Tags:kid, kids, children, child, son, sons, boy, boys, raising kids, raising children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, homework, math, maths, mathematics, geometry, focus, concentration, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, adhd, attention problems, attention issues, short attention span, inability to focus, unable to focus, mask, masks, film, films, fictional character, fictional characters, character, characters, movie character, movie characters, sci-fi, science fiction, nerd, nerds, geek, geeks, fan, fans, movie, movies, science fiction film, science fiction films, science fiction movie, science fiction movies, sci-fi film, sci-fi films, sci-fi movie, sci-fi movies, space, outer space, outerspace
"I don't get it."
"It looks good from out here, but once you get inside it's pretty sad."
Tags:clown, clowns, circus clown, circus clowns, circus, circuses, sad clown, sad clowns, museum, museums, entertainer, entertainers, deceive, deception, deceptions, face paint, make up, make-up, clown make-up, exhibit, exhibits, exhibition, exhibition, mask, masks, slapstick, slapstick comedy, physical comedy
Comedy and Tragedy at the Hospital
Tags:surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, operating, operating theatre, operating theatres, operating room, operating rooms, comedy and tragedy, melpomene, thalia, muse, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians, mask, masks
The Phantom Of The Garden
"Didn't Mommy and Daddy tell you the other children would play with you if you wore your Halloween costumes?!"
Tags:halloween, hallowe'en, all hallows eve, trick or treating, trick-or-treating, trick or treat, trick-or-treat, monster, monsters, myth, myths, legend, legends, taking advantage, blending in, costume, costumes, child, children, kid, kids, playing, playdate, play date, playdates, play dates, family, families, advice, good advice, scary, creepy, mask, masks, human, humans, false identity, false identities
Tags:smiley, smileys, emoji, emojis, emoticon, emoticons, kaomoji, kaomojis, moji, emotions, emotional breakdown, emotion, emotional, conceal don't feel, mask, masks, etiquette, manners, manner, polite, politeness, social, social mores, social rules, passive aggressive, passive aggression, aggressive, hidden emotion, anger, angry, rage, enraged, sad, sadness, depression, depressed, tech, technology, social media
"I'm in construction."
Tags:relationship, relationships, couple, couples, dating, date, dates, blind date, blind dates, bar, bars, pub, pubs, construction, career, careers, job, jobs, profession, professions, animal, animals, beaver, beavers, talking animal, talking animals, disguise, disguises, costume, costumes, mask, masks