"You have a condition whose name is very hard to remember."
"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."
Tags:irritable spouse, marriage, marriages, spouse, spouses, husband, husbands, wife, wives, doctor, doctors, md, mds, diagnosis, medical diagnosis, sham diagnosis, wrong diagnosis, incorrect diagnosis, counsellor, counsellors, counselling, counselor, counselors, counseling, marriage counsellor, marriage counselling, therapy, therapist, therapists, marriage therapists, marriage therapy, syndrome, syndromes, spousal dispute, spousal disagreement, disagree, disagreement, disagreements, argue, argument, arguments, irritable, irritability
"Good news. The test results show it's a metaphor."
Tags:test, tests, test result, test results, idiom, idioms, expression, expressions, saying, sayings, metaphor, metaphors, metaphorical, literal, literally, backstabber, backstabbers, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnosing, physician, physicians, doctor, doctors, stab, stabbed, stabbing, stabbings, medical, medical diagnosis, good news
"You're clinically boring."
Tags:diagnosis, medical diagnosis, clinical diagnosis, doctor, doctors, md, mds, gp, general practitioner, general practitioners, clinic, clinics, walk in clinics, walk in clinic, appointment, appointments, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, boring, bored, boring people, boring person, dull, dull people, dull person, tedious people, tedious person, tedious, uninteresting people, uninteresting, uninteresting person, insult, insulted, incorrect diagnosis, wrong diagnosis, misdiagnosis, diagnois error
"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."
Tags:gp, gps, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, check up, check ups, general practitioner, general practitioners, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, sigh, sighs, sigh of relief, patient, patients, patient care, healthcare, deep breaths, symptom, symptoms, medical diagnosis, medical diagnoses
"I'm sorry, the doctor no longer makes diagnoses."
Tags:doctors, doctor, md, mds, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, clinic, clinics, doctors clinic, doctor's clinic, patient, patients, doctors surgery, doctor's surgery, doctors surgeries, fortune, fortunes, fortune cookie, fortune cookies, appointment, appointments, doctor's appointment, unprofessional, professionalism, superstition, superstitions, superstitious, diagnose, diagnosis, medical diagnosis, cookie, cookies, cookie jar, sick, sickness, medical exam, medical exams, ill, illness
"Your condition's not rare, but it's very collectible."
Tags:doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, md, mds, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioner, clinic, clinics, check up, medical check up, check ups, medical check ups, diagnosis, medical diagnosis, bad diagnosis, bad news, rare condition, rare conditions, collectible, collectibles, playing card, playing cards, common condition, common conditions, bedside manner, bad bedside manner
"Well - you guessed it!"
"There are many questions, of course, that won't be answered till the autopsy."
Tags:migraine clinic, migraine clinics, clinic, clinics, gp, gps, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, doctor, doctors, diagnosis, diagnosed, diagnoses, medical diagnosis, medical diagnoses, situational irony, irony, ironic, opposite outcome, unhelpful, business tactic, business tactics, patient, patients, never ending cycle, contrasting outcome, contrasting outcomes, mental health, emotional stress, emotional health, bad luck, striving business, thriving business
"You have white nose syndrome."
Tags:bat, bats, medical, medical diagnosis, diagnosis, disease, ailment, ailments, medical room, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, gp, sickness, sick, syndrome, white nose, white nose syndrome, check up, superhero, superheroes, comic, comics, comic books, chiropterologist, chiropterologists, chiropterology
"I'm not feeling too great. Maybe I'll ask WebMD what's wrong with me."
Tags:medical website, medical websites, website, websites, medical diagnosis, self-diagnosis, self-diagnosing, self diagnosis, self diagnosing, diagnoses, medical advice, symptom, symptoms, paranoia, hypochondria, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, medical paranoia, medically paranoid, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, medical malpractice, bedside manner
"Son, it's important to remember that it's O.K. to be depressed."
Tags:child, children, son, sons, depress, depressed, depression, parent, parents, parenting, stigma, stigmatised, stigmatise, stigmatized, stigmatize, stigmatosed behaviour, stigmatized behaviour, disorder, disorders, clinical depression, therapy, therapy, therapist, therapists, normalise, normalize, normalised, normalized, normalisation, normalization, medical diagnosis, medical diagnoses, anti-depression, anti depression, emotional, emotions
"I'm prescribing a divorce, but these days it's practically painless."
Tags:doctor, doctors, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical diagnosis, medical diagnoses, treatment, treatments, prescribe, prescribed, prescription, proscribes, prescribing, prescriptions, divorce, divorces, marriage, marriage trouble, marriage troubles, married life, surgery, surgeries, painless, painlessness, divorce lawyer, divorce lawyers, divorce attorney, divorce attorneys
"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"
Tags:symptom, symptoms, bat, bats, disease, diseases, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, ailment, ailments, superhero, superheroes, hero, heroes, comic book, comic books, signs, sign, test result, test results, diagnosis, diagnosed, medical diagnosis, g.p., general practitioner, general practitioners, gps, physician, physicians, physical appearance, deformity
"I'm afraid it's your body, Mr. Haskins."
"We're only giving the test to people who are exhibiting symptoms of fame and/or great wealth."
Tags:doctor, doctors, medical diagnosis, medical diagnoses, diagnosis, diagnoses, gp, gos, physician, physicians, medical practitioner, medical practitioners, general practitioner, general practitioners, covid, covid-19.covid 19, corona, corona virus, coronavirus, virus, viruses, test, testing, tests, pandemic, pandemics, wealth privilege, privilege, privileges, privileged, wealth disparity, celebrity priority, high class, upper class, prioritised, priority, priorities, money, fame, great wealth, wealthy, broken healthcare system, broken system