"It's a baby. Federal regulations prohibit our mentioning its race, age, or gender."
Tags:baby, babies, it's a boy, it's a girl, child, children, having kids, kid, kids, having children, have children, regulation, regulations, genders, politically correct, political correctness, pc, p.c., pc culture, p.c. culture, federal government, privacy, private, offense, offended, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, family, families, parent, parents, political
"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."
Tags:medicine, medical, doctor, doctors, anaesthesiology, anaesthesiologist, anaesthesiologists, operation, operations, surgery, surgeries, unconscious, club, clubs, hit, knock out, knocked out, knock-out, knocked-out, put to sleep, patient, patients, prehistoric, cavemen, caveman, cave, caves, history, prehistory, ancient
"Could we up the dosage? I still have feelings."
Tags:dose, dosing, dosage, drug, prescribe, prescription, prescription drugs, otc, over the counter, prescribed, therapy, therapeutic, therapist, therapists, counselling, counselor, counsellor, psychology, psychiatrist, psychiatry, psychiatric, psychiatrics, psychiatrists, psychologists, psychological, emotions, emotional turmoil, emotion, emotional, feeling, feelings, unfeeling, anxiety, anxious, depression, depressed, depressing, medicine, medicines, meds, med, overmedicate, overmedicates, overmedicating, over-prescribe, over-prescribes, overprescribe, overprescribes, overprescribing
"Me? I'm just one of those shadowy figures who inhabit the mysterious twilight world where the medical and legal professions meet."
Tags:party, cocktails, parties, partying, medical, medicine, pharma, big pharma, big-pharma, pharmaceuticals, medicines, legal, law, laws, legal profession, professions, twilight, dodgy, shady, suspect, sketchy, money, earning, wealthy, corrupt, corruptions, corruption, corrupting, legal, lawyer, lawyers, shadowy, operation, operations, operating, lawful
"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"
Tags:medical, medicine, medicines, meds, drug, pill, pills, pharmaceutical, pharmaceuticals, prescription, prescriptions, sickness, sick, ill, illness, disease, diseases, money, expensive, inexpensive, cheap, treatment, treatments, cure, cures, healthcare, generic, generics, doctor, doctors, big pharma, pharmaceutical company, pharmaceutical companies, patient, patients
"Please, honey, I'm with a patient, and I've asked you not to call me on this line."
Tags:stethoscope, stethoscopes, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, work, working, family, families, partner, partners, phone call, phone calls, call, calls, this line, line, lines, impossible, absurd, works, medical, medicine, medicines, phonecall, phonecalls, calling at work, emergency, treating, diagnose, diagnosing, equipment
"What's the next best medicine?"
Tags:depression, depressed, mental health, mental state, cure, cures, mental states, laughter is the best medicine, medicine, medicines, clown, clowns, circus, circuses, circus clown, circus clowns, entertainer, entertainers, performer, performers, medical advice, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, gp, gps
Angels shopping in a store called "Heaven Pharmacy: Self-serve"
Tags:religion, religious, death, life after death, heaven, angel, angels, clouds, self-serve, pharmacy, pharmacies, chemist, chemists, chemist's, pharmacists, pharmacists, drugstore, drugstores, drug, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical, medicine, medicines, meds, prescription, prescriptions, prescribed, medical, drug abuse, medicine abuse, prescription abuse, pharmaceutical abuse, addiction, addict, addicts, healthcare, health care, antidepressant, antidepressants, pill, pills
"These medicines all taste pretty good - let's approve them."
Tags:fda, food and drug administration, approve, approves, approval, medicine, medicines, medication, medications, prescription, prescriptions, drug, scientist, scientists, food science, health, healthy, unhealthy, overprescribe, overprescribing, overpresciption, overmedicate, overmedicating, careless, carelessness, uncaring, side effect, side effects, approved, big pharma, pharmaceutical, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical company, pharmaceutical companies
"Uh-oh, your coverage doesn't seem to include illness."
Tags:medical, word play, problems, insurance, health, fitness, disease, death, medicine, doctors, insurance coverage, health insurance, healthcare, insurance industry, insurance industries, bad coverage, bad insurance, american healthcare, american healthcare system, affordable, aca, affordable care act, obamacare, trumpcare, mankoff
The Pill-of-the-Month Club!
"There will be a bit of a wait while we figure out a market solution to your problem."
Tags:emergency, doctors, medical, medicine, a&e, accident and emergency, accident & emergency, emergency room, er, free market, health insurance, health cover, health plan, healthcare cover, health-care cover, healthcare covers, health-care covers, crisis, healthcare plan, health-care plan, healthcare plans, health-care plans, single payer health care, universal health care, libertarian, laissez faire, laissez-faire, market solution, the free market, the free market provides, capitalism, socialism, health, care, doctors, medicine
"The active ingredient is marketing."
Tags:market, marketing, advert, advertising, as seen on tv, adverts, active ingredient, active ingredients, ingredient, ingredients, health, healthy, health products, bogus, useless, sales, sell, selling, sale, scam, scamming, mis-sold, mis-sell, placebo, placebo, fad, fads, placebo effect, nocebo, nocebo effect, medicine, fake medicine, health products, health product, pointless, useless, active ingredient, active-ingredient, active-ingredients
"This patient has a rare form of medical insurance."
Tags:health insurance, insurance, insurances, health plan, health plans, healthcare plan, healthcare plans, health-care, healthcare coverage, health-care cover, health-care coverage, health care cover, healthcare cover, doctor, doctors, medical, medicine, diagnosis, diagnose, medicaid, hospital, hospitals, hospital bed, priority, priorities
"You should just feel a tiny prick, and then a lifetime of morphine addiction."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, needle, needles, injection, injections, syringe, syringes, pain, painkillers, painkiller, morphine, addict, addicts, addiction, prick, lifetime, lifetimes, drug abuse, medicine abuse, opiate, opiates, opioid, opioids, opiate abuse, opioid abuse
"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"
Tags:restaurant, restaurants, dining out, eating out, eating, dining, reserving, reservation, reservations, dinner, waiter, waiters, server, servers, host, hosts, booking, name, names, language, languages, english, grammar, honorific, honorifics, title, titles, prefix, prefixes, dr, dr., doctor, doctors, medical, medicine, education, degree, degrees, postgraduate, postgraduates, phd, ph.d., postgraduate doctoral degree, customer service, service, rude, bad manners
"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosis, diagnoses, treatment, treatments, cure, cures, drug, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical, medicines, meds, prescription, prescriptions, pill, pills, antibiotic, antibiotics, infection, infections, strategy, strategies, military, general, generals, officer, officers, troop, troops, war, wars, plan of attack, answer, answers
Inside One's Memory Bank
Tags:memory banks, memory bank, memory, memories, middle-age, middle-aged, middle aged, middle age, old age, brain, brains, ageing, aging, science, medicine, doctors, history, fax machines, wood chips, heads, brainpower, knowledge, new knowledge, learning curve, learning curves, neurologist, neurologists, neurology
"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."
"His final wish was that all his medical bills be paid promptly."
Tags:medicine, medicines, medic, medical, medics, medical joke, modern medicine, modern world, exploit, exploitation, consumerism, consumer, capitalist, capitalism, private, private healthcare, healthcare, health, public healthcare, medicare, medi care, nhs, national health service, pro nhs, pro medicare, national health care, obamacare, death, dead, family, bitter humor, bitter humour, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, dark humor, dark humour, console, consoling, consolation, intensive care, sick, sickness, ill, illness, illnesses, sicknesses, doctor, doctors, surgeon, surgeons, surgery
A woman on a beach boardwalk looks shocked as a topless man walks past her with a back tattoo that reads "I got hepatitis at Randy's Tattoo Parlor."
Tags:beach, beaches, seaside, seashore, tattoo, tattoos, tattoo artist, tattoo artists, tattoo shop, tattoo shops, tattoo parlor, tattoo parlors, tattoo parlour, tattoo parlours, tattooist, tattooists, tattooed, tats, tat, hygiene, unhygienic, hepatitis, medical, medicine, disease, diseases, dangerous, risky, risk, advertising, advertisement, advertisements, ad, ads, marketing, bad marketing, pr, p.r., public relations, scratcher, scratchers, health, body art
"I'm allergic to the sun."
"All the body parts were locally sourced."
Tags:local, food, organic, organic food, local food, locally sourced, sustainable, sustainably sourced, locally sourced, local food movement, locavore, locavores, eating sustainably, sustainable eating, frankenstein, literature, book, books, novel, novel, horror, horror story, horror stories, film, films, movie, movies, body part, body parts, body, bodies, science, medical, medicine, modern life
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, operation, operations, operating, o.r., o.r.s, or, ors, operating room, operating rooms, operation room, operation rooms, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, nurse, clear, cupid, cupids, eros, bow, bows, arrow, arrows, bow and arrow, shooting, love, valentine's day, valentines day, myth, myths, legend, legends, heart, hearts, heart surgery, heart surgeries, heart surgeon, heart surgeons, cardiologist, cardiologists, cardiology
"You tested positive for being negative."
Tags:medicine, medical, doctor, doctors, nurse, patient, patients, test, testing, tests, test result, test results, result, results, positive, negative, optimist, pessimist, optimism, pessimism, unclear, over complicated, complicate, complicated, positive for being negative, mood, moods, grumpy, bad mood, negative outlook, outlook, pessimists