Ministers Cartoons

"Here's a letter from a housewife in the southern tier of the kingdom. She writes: 'Sire, would it or would it not be appropriate to use a sand-finish latex paint on a wall on which there remains some painted-over wallpaper? Respectfully, Mrs. R. Jones.'"

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"Three 'a's, of course, in Barbara?"

"'Kchow! Kchow! The roscoe spoke twice, and Mike dodged behind a-' Hang on, wrong book."

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

"We'd like you to leave out the poorer, sickness, and death parts - they're a little dark."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"And the Lord spoke to the children of Israel and said, 'Thou must forswear these practices which are a blasphemy and an abomination in my sight, you know what I'm saying?'"

"He knows what you did in Las Vegas."

Today's semon by the Rev. Robert Smith (Never on TV)

"Isn't he wonderful? You get the feeling he's looking and talking directly to you."

King Solomon's Wedding"You may kiss the brides. You may also kiss the concubines, but don't make a big tzimmes about it."

"How many bad habits do you have to have to equal once vice?"

"No, a question period will not follow!"

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit about fifteen per cent of the earth, a hundred-per-cent increase over what they have today."

"I'm afraid this is auf Wiedersehen, Padre. Estelle and I are setting up our own little religion."

"I'm between congregations."

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

"Thank you, Reverend, your sermon has me super-excited about croaking."

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"As an ex-priest, I'm having a hard time adjusting to these non-cathedral ceilings."

"Sorry. We're strictly store-goers."

"I don't mind getting married for better or for worse as long as it's not a whole lot worse."

"I pronounce you man and wife. The clock is now running."

"It was a little preachy."