"Call my attorney and say that I killed Ted in self-defense. Call my publicist and say that I wish Ted the best of luck in all his future endeavors."
"It's got to come out, of course, but that doesn't address the deeper problem."
Tags:deeper problem, deeper problems, backstabbing, backstabber, backstabbers, backstab, backstabbed, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, crimes, criminal, criminals, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, gp, gps, medical problem, medical problems, back-stabber, back-stabbers, back-stabbing, homicide, homicides
"Sorry, Harold, but I'm reducing our carbon footprint."
Tags:carbon footprint, carbon footprints, footprint, footprints, murder, murders, murdering, murderer, murderers, excuse, excuses, shoot, shoots, shooting, shootings, shot, husband, husbands, wife, wives, discord, marital discord, environmentalism, environmentalist, environmentalists, resources, reduce, reduces, reducing
"After we have sex but before I kill you, I'm going to need your help with some shelves."
Tags:praying mantis, praying mantises, manual labor, manual labour, kill, kills, killing, killings, killer, killers, murder, murders, murdering, murderer, murderers, insect, insects, entomology, entomologist, entomologists, married life, marriage, marriages, married lives, useful, techincal, shelving, shelving unit, shelving units, assemble, assembles, assembling, assembly, shelves, build, builds, handyman, handymen
"Did he have any known enemies?"
"Why can't you be more like Hutchinson? You don't hear him complaining."
Tags:role model, role models, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, corporate hierarchy, corporate hierarchies, hierarchy, hierarchies, corporate culture, business culture, yes man, yes men, ideal, ideals, ideal worker, ideal workers, boss, bosses, manager, managers, executive, executives, business executive, business executives, tyrant, tyrants, murder, murders, murdering, murderer, murderers, killer, killers, dictator, dictators, dictatorship, complain, complains, complaining
"Make eye contact with the jury, but not homicidal-maniac eye contact."
Tags:murder trial, murder trials, murder, murders, homicide, homicides, homicidal, eye contact, eye contacts, trial, trials, jury, juries, legal advice, legal representative, legal representatives, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, conviction, convictions, defendant, defendants, murderer, murderers, murder, murders
Mobsters sending a victim down a water slide wearing cement shoes
Tags:mob, mafia, gang, gangster, gangsters, mobster, mobsters, killer, killers, killing, kill, kills, murder, murders, murderers, murderer, victim, victims, swimming with the fish, cement shoes, drowning, waterslide, waterslides, water slide, water slides, waterpark, waterparks, theme park, theme parks, amusement park, amusement parks, pool, pools, dark humor, dark humour, death
"Nope. Looks to me like a clear-cut case of suicide by somehow reaching around behind the back and sticking a knife in backward. Let's get a drink."
Tags:detective, detectives, police, crimes, police officer, police officers, officer, officers, stab, criminal, stabbing, stabs, stabbed, kill, killed, killing, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murderous, investigation, investigating, investigate, investigation, investigates, scene, crime scene, crime scenes, lazy, conclusion, unlikely, conclusions, laziness, work, working, bored, suicidal, suicides, incompetence, incompetent, cover up, coverup, cover-up, cover ups
"Sorry to crash the party, folks, but all the little people that made it happen were just discovered buried in a shallow grave outside Bakersfield."
Tags:dark humour, dark humor, black humour, black humor, dead, die, died, death, dying, killed, killing, killer, killers, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, investigate, investigative, investigator, investigators, fbi, f.b.i., federal bureau of investigation, detective, detectives, police, policeman, policemen, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, crimes, criminal, criminals, hollywood, bakersfield, california, award, awards, ceremony
"Wait - use a knife. It's greener."
Tags:green, green lifestyle, green lifestyles, green energy, conserve, conserves, conserving, conservation, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murdering, execution, executions, hit, hits, mafia, gangster, gangsters, gang, gangs, mobster, mobsters, mob, organized crime, organised crime, responsibility, recycle, recycles, recycling, conscientious, conscientiousness, stab, stabs, stabbing, stabbings
"It's not personal. The boss just doesn't like seeing people in so much debt for such a useless degree."
Tags:degree, degrees, college, colleges, grad, grads, graduate, graduates, graduation, graduations, uni, university, universities, gang, gangs, gangster, gangsters, mob, mobs, mobster, mobsters, mafia, mafias, mafia boss, mafia bosses, kill, killer, killers, murder, murderer, murderers, drown, drowning, student loan, student loans, student, students
"I'm thinking it might be time to find another pier."
"Sorry I'm late, boss. I hit a deer and had to make it look like an accident."
"I'm sorry, David, but I think it's best to make a clean break."
Tags:couple, couples, date, dating, break up, breaking up, break-up, split up, splitting up, split-up, clean break, clean breaks, making a clean break, separation, separating, separated, violent, violence, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murdering, baseball bat, baseballs bats, bad break up, bad break ups, bad break-up, bad break-ups, attack, attacked, attacking
"Dead ... Dead ... Dead ... Dead ... You're talking to Edward the Younger."
Tags:king, kings, royal, royals, royalty, inherit, inheritance, inherited, descendant, descendants, descendant, heir, heir to the throne, next in line, ancestor, ancestors, murder, murderer, murderers, assassination, assassin, assassins, phonecall, phonecalls, phone calls, phone call, phone conversation, phone conversations, ascend the throne, ascending the throne, law of conquest, conqueror, conquerors
"And here goes the gun signalling the start of the season."
Tags:gun, guns, starting gun, starting guns, start, starts, starting, football, football season, start, starts, starting, murder, murders, murdering, murderer, murderers, driven to murder, sports nut, sports nuts, sports addict, sports addicts, kill, kills, killing, killer, killers, drive insane, drives insane, driven insane, american football
"First, you're gonna dig a hole."
"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."
Tags:lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, barrister, barristers, defense attorney, defense attorney, counsel, legal counsel, alleged, deny, denies, denial, denials, denying, whale, whales, killer whale, killer whales, orca, orcas, killer, killers, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, trial, trials, objection, objections, not guilty, technicality, technicalities
"The killer had to be a man. Not only is the knife still bloody—it wasn't even put in the sink."
Tags:gender stereotype, killer, killers, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, spouse, spouses, nag, nags, nagging, careless, carelessness, thoughtless, thoughtlessness, husband, husbands, man, men, put away, puts away, putting away, knife, knives, wash, washes, washing up, wash up, washes up, dishwasher, dishwashers, doing dishes, do the dishes, sink, sinks
"You simply must meet my husband."
Tags:grim reaper, angel of death, death, scythe, scythes, husband, husbands, kill, kills, killing, killer, killers, mariticide, introduce, introduces, introduction, introductions, introducing, wife, wives, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murderess, murderesses, upper class, upper classes, murder mystery, murder mysteries
"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."
Tags:relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, dating, couple, couples, partner, partners, boyfriend, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouse, spouses, husband, husbands, wife, wives, in-law, in-laws, meeting the parents, meeting the in-laws, visiting the in-laws, parent, parents, father, fathers, dad, dads, murder, murderer, murderers, killer, killers, mystery, homicide, suspicious, questionable, small talk, conversation topic, conversation topics, family, families, family secret, red flag, red flags, warning sign, warning signs
"I want to report a dénouement."
Tags:denouement, denouements, murder mystery, murder mysteries, detective story, detective stories, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, plot twist, plot twists, phoning the police, call the police, plot development, plot developments, resolution, resolutions, climax, story climax, plot climax, end result, end results, culmination, culminations, theater, play, plays, femme fatale
"Well, Hell is going to be so packed – I guess I'd just as soon get there early."
"Have you seen my pistol, Honey-bun?"