Murderer Cartoons

"Call my attorney and say that I killed Ted in self-defense. Call my publicist and say that I wish Ted the best of luck in all his future endeavors."

"It's got to come out, of course, but that doesn't address the deeper problem."

"Sorry, Harold, but I'm reducing our carbon footprint."

"After we have sex but before I kill you, I'm going to need your help with some shelves."

"Did he have any known enemies?"

"Why can't you be more like Hutchinson? You don't hear him complaining."

"Make eye contact with the jury, but not homicidal-maniac eye contact."

Mobsters sending a victim down a water slide wearing cement shoes

"Nope. Looks to me like a clear-cut case of suicide by somehow reaching around behind the back and sticking a knife in backward. Let's get a drink."

"Sorry to crash the party, folks, but all the little people that made it happen were just discovered buried in a shallow grave outside Bakersfield."

"Wait - use a knife. It's greener."

"It's not personal. The boss just doesn't like seeing people in so much debt for such a useless degree."

"I'm thinking it might be time to find another pier."

"Sorry I'm late, boss. I hit a deer and had to make it look like an accident."

"I'm sorry, David, but I think it's best to make a clean break."

"Dead ... Dead ... Dead ... Dead ... You're talking to Edward the Younger."

"And here goes the gun signalling the start of the season."

"First, you're gonna dig a hole."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"The killer had to be a man. Not only is the knife still bloody—it wasn't even put in the sink."

"You simply must meet my husband."

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"I want to report a dénouement."

"Well, Hell is going to be so packed – I guess I'd just as soon get there early."

"Have you seen my pistol, Honey-bun?"