"I had to do it, Jeb. He was grilling zucchini."
Tags:cowboy, cowboys, masculine, masculinity, zucchini, courgette, grill, grills, grilling, barbecue, barbecues, barbecuing, man food, manly food, manly foods, motivation, motive, motives, murder, murders, murdering, health food, health foods, old west, carnivore, carnivores, vegetarian, vegetarians, vegan, vegans, vegan food, assassination, assassinations, self-defense
"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."
Tags:history, historical, ancient, ancient greece, greece, greek, greek history, myth, myths, legend, legends, trojan war, agamemnon, clytemnestra, relationship, relationships, relationship problems, relationship issues, couple, couples, marriage, marriages, married life, separate, separation, separations, separate amicably, amicable separation, amicable separations, divorce, divorces, amicable divorce, amicable divorces, divorce amicably, split, amicable split, split amicably, friendly, amicably, amicable, friend, friends, friendship, peaceful, peacefully, murder, murders, murdered, killed, stabbed, drama, dramatic
"Call my attorney and say that I killed Ted in self-defense. Call my publicist and say that I wish Ted the best of luck in all his future endeavors."
"Judgement Day: Division Four"
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, legal system, justice system, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, prosecutor, prosecutors, prosecution, defense, defence, defendant, defendants, client, clients, witness, witness, bailiff, bailiffs, police, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, day in court, justice, chaos, confusion, judgement day, american court system, punishments, sentence, sentences, sentencing, criminal, criminals, media, press, journalist, journalists, reporter, reporters, jury, juries, juror, jurors, murder, murders, homicide, swearing in, incompetent, incompetents, incompetence
"Worst-case scenario? The renovation goes three years and two million dollars over budget, one of you bludgeons me to death with my own hammer, and you both get the electric chair."
Tags:worst case scenario, worst case scenarios, renovation, renovations, renovate, renovator, renovators, construction, remodel, remodels, remodelling, worst case, builder, builders, construction worker, construction workers, bad news, nightmare, nightmares, murder, murders, capital punishment, honest, honesty, blunt, contractor, contractors, home construction, real estate, fixer upper, fixer uppers
"It's got to come out, of course, but that doesn't address the deeper problem."
Tags:deeper problem, deeper problems, backstabbing, backstabber, backstabbers, backstab, backstabbed, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, crimes, criminal, criminals, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, gp, gps, medical problem, medical problems, back-stabber, back-stabbers, back-stabbing, homicide, homicides
"A razor-sharp, six-hundred-pound penny for your thoughts, Mr. Bond."
"Sorry, Harold, but I'm reducing our carbon footprint."
Tags:carbon footprint, carbon footprints, footprint, footprints, murder, murders, murdering, murderer, murderers, excuse, excuses, shoot, shoots, shooting, shootings, shot, husband, husbands, wife, wives, discord, marital discord, environmentalism, environmentalist, environmentalists, resources, reduce, reduces, reducing
"After we have sex but before I kill you, I'm going to need your help with some shelves."
Tags:praying mantis, praying mantises, manual labor, manual labour, kill, kills, killing, killings, killer, killers, murder, murders, murdering, murderer, murderers, insect, insects, entomology, entomologist, entomologists, married life, marriage, marriages, married lives, useful, techincal, shelving, shelving unit, shelving units, assemble, assembles, assembling, assembly, shelves, build, builds, handyman, handymen
"Did he have any known enemies?"
"Why can't you be more like Hutchinson? You don't hear him complaining."
Tags:role model, role models, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, corporate hierarchy, corporate hierarchies, hierarchy, hierarchies, corporate culture, business culture, yes man, yes men, ideal, ideals, ideal worker, ideal workers, boss, bosses, manager, managers, executive, executives, business executive, business executives, tyrant, tyrants, murder, murders, murdering, murderer, murderers, killer, killers, dictator, dictators, dictatorship, complain, complains, complaining
"Make eye contact with the jury, but not homicidal-maniac eye contact."
Tags:murder trial, murder trials, murder, murders, homicide, homicides, homicidal, eye contact, eye contacts, trial, trials, jury, juries, legal advice, legal representative, legal representatives, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, conviction, convictions, defendant, defendants, murderer, murderers, murder, murders
"I want you to want to help bury the evidence."
Tags:couple, couples, husband and wife, husbands and wives, marriages, bad relationship, bad relationships, marital fight, marital fights, domestic, domestics, domestic argument, domestic arguments, spousal dispute, spousal disputes, accomplice, accomplices, destroying evidence, burying evidence, hiding the body, murder, murders, murder, murderers, assessor to murder
Mobsters sending a victim down a water slide wearing cement shoes
Tags:mob, mafia, gang, gangster, gangsters, mobster, mobsters, killer, killers, killing, kill, kills, murder, murders, murderers, murderer, victim, victims, swimming with the fish, cement shoes, drowning, waterslide, waterslides, water slide, water slides, waterpark, waterparks, theme park, theme parks, amusement park, amusement parks, pool, pools, dark humor, dark humour, death
"Little Joey invented the one-click rubout."
Tags:point-and-click, convenience, innovator, innovators, innovation, innovations, rubout, rubs out, rub out, rubbing out, mafia, hitman, hitmen, hit man, hit men, kill, kills, killing, killings, murder, murders, murdering, single click, single clicks, gun crime, execution, executions, inventor, inventors, invention, mouse click
Conspiracy Theories $10
"You were hungry? Case dismissed."
A number of runners run through police tape.
Tags:police tape, run, runs, running, runner, runners, racer, racers, racing, finish line, finishing line, finishing lines, murder, murders, murdering, crime scene, crime scenes, caution tape, caution, caution sign, caution signs, first past the post, past the post, faux pas, misunderstanding, misunderstandings, accident, accidents, accidental
"Nope. Looks to me like a clear-cut case of suicide by somehow reaching around behind the back and sticking a knife in backward. Let's get a drink."
Tags:detective, detectives, police, crimes, police officer, police officers, officer, officers, stab, criminal, stabbing, stabs, stabbed, kill, killed, killing, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murderous, investigation, investigating, investigate, investigation, investigates, scene, crime scene, crime scenes, lazy, conclusion, unlikely, conclusions, laziness, work, working, bored, suicidal, incompetence, incompetent, cover up, coverup, cover-up, cover ups
"Sorry to crash the party, folks, but all the little people that made it happen were just discovered buried in a shallow grave outside Bakersfield."
Tags:dark humour, dark humor, black humour, black humor, dead, die, died, death, dying, killed, killing, killer, killers, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, investigate, investigative, investigator, investigators, fbi, f.b.i., federal bureau of investigation, detective, detectives, police, policeman, policemen, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, crimes, criminal, criminals, hollywood, bakersfield, california, award, awards, ceremony
"Anti-personnel land mines pose no threat to people, Colonel. Only to personnel."
Tags:land mine, land mines, anti-personnel, mine, mines, minefield, minefields, mine field, mine fields, military, military personnel, euphemisms, language, language trick, language tricks, kill, kills, killing, killings, murder, murders, murdering, military man, military men, general, generals, commander, commanders, army, armies, officer, officers
"Wait - use a knife. It's greener."
Tags:green, green lifestyle, green lifestyles, green energy, conserve, conserves, conserving, conservation, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murdering, execution, executions, hit, hits, mafia, gangster, gangsters, gang, gangs, mobster, mobsters, mob, organized crime, organised crime, responsibility, recycle, recycles, recycling, conscientious, conscientiousness, stab, stabs, stabbing, stabbings
"Es tu, Little Caesar?"
"I'm thinking it might be time to find another pier."
"Sorry I'm late, boss. I hit a deer and had to make it look like an accident."