"Still, this beats my old job working at Wal-Mart."
Tags:retail, working in retail, christmas time, christmas, christmas job, christmas jobs, elf, elves, santas elves, santa's elves, santas workshop, santa's workshop, bad job, bad jobs, job satisfaction, new job, new jobs, low standards, modern life, modern attitudes, low pay, minimum wage, underpaid, bad management, working conditions, working hours, workers rights
"Big day, Haskins. The training wheels come off.",
"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."
Tags:handshake, handshakes, fist bump, fist bumps, fist bumping, bumping fists, greet, greets, greeting, culture clash, culture clashes, new job, new jobs, adjustment, adjustments, adjustment period, adjustment periods, settle in, settles in, settling in, broken arm, broken arms, broken hand, broken hands, broken bone, broken bones, career change, career changes, commiserate, commiserates, commiserating, culture shock, culture shocks, system shock, system shocks, socially awkward, social awkwardness
'Where's My Job'
Tags:world of work, new job, new hire, hiring, hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, human resource, human resources, hr, h r, pun, puns, word play, word-play, play on words, waldo, wally, invisible, invisible homeless, homeless, hobo, bum, job, jobs, fired, fire, unemployment, unemployed, dole, on the dole, benefits, public benefit, public benefits, beg, begging, beggar, beggars, character, characters
"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."
Tags:writer, writers, novel, novella, novels, novel writing, poem, poet, poetry, poets, poetic, literature, literary, word play, play on words, ironic, irony, author, authors, authored, book, books, book lover, writing, should be writing, you should be writing, manuscript, artistic, artist, artists, art, arts, culture, cultured, writer's block, bookworm, book worm, bookworms, book worm, book, books, novel, novels, library, librarians, librarian, book lover, book lovers, literature, literary, lit, lit major, read, reading, avid reader, readers, reader, novel, novels, novelist, benefit, benefits, medical, dental, insurance, insured, severance, free, freebies, bonus, bonuses, dental, medical, new job, new career, wait a second, personnel, human resources, hr, laureate, poet laureate, corporate, corporations, businessmen
"As corporate sniper, you'll of course be given an office with a window."
Tags:office, offices, business, businesses, businessman, businessmen, executive, executives, boss, bosses, hired, hire, new job, job, jobs, employee, employees, employment, gun, guns, gun control, second amendment, right to bear arms, firearm, firearms, handgun, weapon, violence, shooting, mass shootings, shootings, school shooting, school shootings, rifle, rifles, semiautomatic, automatic
"Will my office be near an ice machine."
Tags:job interview, job interviews, job application, job applications, priorities, wrong priorities, bad priorities, new job, new jobs, new office, new offices, recruitment officer, recruitment officers, hiring, ice machine, ice machines, important question, important questions, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs
"Lately, I've been thinking about becoming really good at something."
Tags:talent, talents, talented, new hobby, new hobbies, new pastime, new pastimes, interest, interests, skill, skills, skill set, skill sets, skill-set, skill-sets, incompetent, incompetence, motivation, motivations, career path, career paths, lifestyle change, lifestyle changes, training, new job, new jobs, skill set, skill-set, apathy
"I fear there are only so many bamboo metaphors the average reader can tolerate."
Tags:interview, interviews, interviewer, interviewee, interview skills, interview skill, get hired, hired, hiree, hiring, hires, new hire, new hires, panda, pandas, talking animal, talking animals, job, jobs, new job, new jobs, working world, work, world of work, editorial, editor, editors, censor, censorship, metaphor, metaphors, puns, pun, overused, overuse, over used, over use, bamboo, bamboo joke, panda, pandas, cute, cute animals, manuscript, manuscripts, agent, agents, rejection, reject, rejected, book, books, bookish, book worm, book worms
"Where's Waldo in five years?"
Tags:where, where do you see yourself, in five years, five year plan, five-year plan, five-year-plan, planning, plan, plans, planned, career, careers, career plan, career advice, careers advice, job, jobs, job interview, interviews, interviewing, resume, good resume, cv, good cv, c v, interview skills, world of work, new job, new hire, hiring, hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, human resource, human resources, hr, h r, pun, puns, word play, word-play, play on words
"They tell me you're a nincompoop, Henderson, but you certainly do know how to maintain a crease."
Tags:idiot, idiots, idiocy, priority, priorities, business, hiring, hired, hire, new hire, new job, desk job, business fashion, formal business, business attire, attire, interview, interviewed, press, pressed, suit press, pressed suit, crease, creases, creased, maintain, maintenance, incompetent, incompetence, management, manager, managing, nincompoop, modern life, modern world, talent, talents, value, values, dress, dress the part, fake it, fake it til you make it, employ, employed, new job, new career, congratulations
"Ever get the feeling you're in the wrong army?"
Tags:army, armed forces, armed force, armies, soldier, soldiers, rock and roll, rock 'n' roll, rock star, rock stars, death metal, uniform, uniforms, battleground, battlegrounds, battle zone, warzone, war zone, war zones, rocker, rockers, career change, career changes, career path, wrong career, wrong job, job change, new job, new jobs
Pirate with a Shepherd's Crook for an Arm
Tags:animal, animals, sheep, lamb, lambs, flock, shepherd, shepherds, shepherd's crook, crook, crooks, hook, hooks, arm, arms, pirate, pirates, captain, captains, captain hook, new career, new job, changing careers, changing jobs, profession, professions, career, careers, job, jobs, professional, tool, tools
"You said I'd be part of a team."
"Let's just say I'm leaving to pursue other interests."
"It's not what I expected."
Tags:pearl gates, pearly gates, gates of heaven, heaven, afterlife, the afterlife, st.peter, st peter, saint peter, judgement, judgement day, dying, died, angel, angels, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs, disappointment, disappointments, new job, new jobs, modern life
"Is this a trick question?"
Tags:interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, circus animal, circus animals, performing animal, performing animals, juggle, juggling, juggling dog, juggling dogs, trick question, trick questions, job application, job applications, dog, dogs, puppy, puppies, new job, new jobs, bad interview, bad interviews, interviewer, interviewers
"I should warn you- I'm a hugger."
"Firkins, when you're done with those photocopies, remove the new guy from his packaging, will you?"
Tags:employee, employees, employer, employers, hr, human resources, personnel, new job, new jobs, newbie, newbies, doll, dolls, toy, toys, package, packages, packaging, office job, office jobs, office worker, office workers, hr management, hr manager, hr managers, corporate culture, office drone, office drones
"There are no medical or pension benefits, but the employees' lounge has excellent free coffee."
Tags:benefit, benefits, medical, dental, insurance, insured, severance, free, freebies, pension, pensions, bonus, bonuses, dental, medical, new job, new career, career change, congratulations, personnel, human resources, hr, h r, corporate, corporations, businessmen, business men, businessman, business man, modern life, modern world, working world, capitalism, coffee, free coffee, lounge, employee, employee benefits
"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."
"You'll notice that I was born in 1968—a very prestigious year."
Tags:interview, interviews, interviewing, interview skills, interview success, success, blag, blagging, brag, bragging, hired, hiring, application, apply, applying, work, working, new job, new jobs, career, careers, career advice, arrogance, arrogant, boast, boasting, ego, egos, praise, praising, pride, proud, talent, talents, skill, skills, cv, cv skill, cv skills, resume, resumes, good resume, good resumes, resume writing, cv writing, world of work
"No, sir, they don't come with the cubicle—you have to order the cubicle separately."
Tags:office worker, office workers, office work, office job, office jobs, office cubicle, office cubicles, bad manager, bad managers, bad management, management style, management styles, new job, new jobs, out of touch, boss bosses, delivery, deliveries, delivery man, delivery men, delivery people, delivery person, battery, batteries, no batteries, disappointment, disappointments, let-down, let down, let-downs, let downs
"This is fine, General, but how are your typing skills?"
Tags:personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, applicant, applicants, candidate, candidates, cv, c.v., curriculum vitae, resume, resumes, job, jobs, experience, hiring, military, general, generals, typing skills, qualifications, skills, career change, career changes, changing careers, new job, new jobs, new career, new careers, modern life
"Everyone- meet Frederick."
Tags:elephant, elephants, board meeting, board meetings, business meeting, business meetings, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs, new job, new jobs, new employee, new employees, introduction, introductions, welcome, welcomes, elephant in the room, the elephant in the room