Newscasters Cartoons

"So, for Ralph, Betsy, and the rest of us here at Action News, good night!"

"It's absolutely marv."

"A Ms. Ramona Bissell of West Allison, Vermont, writes, 'What the hell is going on?' We here at WVCN think that question deserves an answer."

"Thanks, Bruce, for that featherhead item. Now it's back to Ed, with a story that will scare the pants off everyone."

Details at Eleven

"Joe, what about you? Would you like to make a face at Mr. Trump?"

"Should we let him in? He says he's Wolf Blitzer."

"And, when we come back, Liz will be here with lots more lip gloss."

"In local news: On Columbus Avenue today, a new cuisine mysteriously sprang up, flourished for a few hours, then just as mysteriously disappeared."

"The combined total of major-league batting averages was down three and a half points today. Outs outnumbered hits four to one, on a total of fourteen hundred at-bats."

"I fully expect the third grade to hold plenty of difficulties, but I've had a restful summer and think I'm up to whatever challenges I encounter."

"But the weather looks great for the rest of the week."

"In a controversial move today, the State of Rhode Island made a tender offer for the State of New Jersey."

"And for all of us here at the six-o'clock news—and don't forget we'll be appearing Saturday night at Mr. Fun—make it a good one!"

"Denise, will you be my co-anchor?"

"Tonight's top stories—chaos, pandemonium, mayhem, and the latest shenanigans of ____."

The Art of Bantering!

"I know what some of you are thinking. You're thinking, 'Ha! He claims to be coming to us live, but he's really on tape.' Well, if that's what you think, I can only say I feel sorry for you."

Supermarket Newscaster

"Evidence of Bigfoot or just some clown?"

Anchor's Away

"We opened our newscast with the question, 'Did a U.F.O. land on Staten Island?' We can now report that did not happen."

"Breaking news: the news is broken."

This is News Six reporting from the New Jersey Turnpike. Southbound traffic is at a standstill. Now back to the newsroom.

"This is Larry Hawkins, …. On the lawn …... Outside your house."