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The Perfect Holiday Card
"Sorry, Chief, but of course I didn't mean 'bimbo' in the pejorative sense."
"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"
"If I'm not being too bold, Chief - shut up."
"No offense, but I don't need any new friends."
"Don't take offense, Zack, but it's 'Indians', not Injuns, and 'nuclear' not 'nuculer'"
"No offense, but your mother couldn't fry bacon, could't make toast, and could't heat up last week's beans, and her famous raisin pie would make a buzzard tremble."