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"First of all, forget everything you learned in obedience school."
My dog is an honor student at the Curtis Obedience School.
"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"
"But stay off the couch."
"Let's try it again. This time with a tad less mania."
"Fetch it yourself."
"I started out carrying his newspaper and fetching his slippers. Then, gradually, I began assuming more and more responsibilities."
"I never really needed obedience school, … It was more of an obedience seminar."
Quiz for dogs.
"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."
"Company? My God, I'd wet the floor too."
A dog brings a man his slippers, and receives a tip.
"I'd invite you in, but my crap is all over the place."