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"Instead of creating life, I've decided just to establish an online persona."
"I was happy - so happy. Then I read the comments."
"Well, if you can't accept me as I really am, have you seen my Facebook page?"
"That's easy. I wish to go viral three times."
"Oh no, the internet's down! But that's how I express myself! I guess I could try expressing myself outside."
"My webcam is on the fritz. Let me email you a photo of myself at twenty one and in the best shape of my life."
"No one ever believes me when I say I'm just looking for love."
"Hold on, I have an announcement. Facebook password Missywillow 555, please move your car or it will be towed."