"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."
Tags:tick, ticks, paranoia, paranoid, garden of eden, paradise, paradises, garden of earthly delights, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, old testament, genesis, torah, the torah, earthly paradise, check, checks, checking, bite, bites, biting, insect bite, insect bites, bug bit, bug bites, nuisance, nuisances
"My parents sent back all my stuff that came from China."
"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."
Tags:manuscript, manuscripts, unsolicited manuscript, unsolicited manuscripts, publisher, publishers, publishing, rejection, rejections, writer, writers, writing, author, authors, newspaper, newspapers, rejection letter, rejection letters, paranoia, paranoid, greatest fear, greatest fears, self-esteem, op-ed, op-ed page, editorial, editorials, freelancer, freelancers, freelancing, cruel, heartless
"And, finally, are you now or have you ever been disgruntled?"
Tags:disgruntled, warning sign, warning signs, employee, employees, hire, hires, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, personnel, personnel department, paranoia, paranoid, mass shooting, mass shootings, shooting, shootings, postal, going postal, job satisfaction, worker satisfactions, satisfaction, human resources
"You're the therapist - you make it go away."
"And would you be performing the actual surgery?"
Tags:surgery, surgeries, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, surgeon, surgeons, tie, ties, tying, ominous, warning, warnings, ominous sign, ominous signs, warning sign, warning signs, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, paranoia, paranoid, clumsy, klutz, klutzes, klutzy, fumble, fumbles, fumbling
"We'd love to come, but the weather mongers have paralyzed us with fear."
"Mr. Harrison already sees you."
"Every year, the zebras get faster and faster."
Tags:zebra, zebras, speed, speedy, predator, predators, prey, lion, lions, big cat, big cats, paranoia, paranoid, left behind, therapist, therapists, therapy, psychologist, psychologists, psychology, psychological, complex, overwhelmed, overwhelming, overwhelm, pressure, pressures, pressured, pressuring, fast
Conspiracy Theories $10
"You understand I have to ask. You're not some sort of skinhead, are you?"
"You know, I never properly vetted you."
"Government surveillance I don't mind. What disturbs me is the bad jokes my friends constantly make about our calls being monitored."
Tags:government surveillance, surveillance state, surveillance states, monitor, monitors, monitoring, friend, friends, annoying, annoyance, annoyances, joke, jokes, kid, kids, kidding, paranoid, paranoia, panopticon, panopticons, all-seeing, all-seeing eye, all-seeing eyes, listen in, listens in, listening in, phone call, phone calls, phone, phones, cellphone, cellphones
"I wish we could stay longer, Adam, but Don just doesn't think the security's adequate."
"Watch it. Here comes the law."
Tags:law, laws, starfish, starfishes, seastar, seastars, sea star, sea stars, police, police department, police departments, badge, badges, police badge, police badges, lawman, law man, paranoia, paranoid, paranoiac, paranoiacs, school of fish, marine biology, marine biologist, marine biologists, ichthyologist, ichthyologists, ichthyology
The Nervous Gourmet:Low-Risk Chicken
Tags:risk averse, risk, risky, risk aversion, anxious, anxiety, paranoia, paranoid, cooking, cookery, cookery classes, recipe, recipes, cook, chef, chefs, cooks, absurd, spoof, spoofs, parody, parodies, parodied, worry, worrisome, worry wart, worried, chicken, chickens, poultry, nervous, nervousness, nerve, unnerved, woman, women, house wife, housewife, housewives, learn to cook, learning, learn, modern, modern life
"Psst. Is everyone still mad at me?"
Tags:hide, hides, hiding, in hiding, hidden, pariah, social pariah, social pariahs, outcast, outcasts, coward, cowards, cowardly, paranoid, paranoia, worry, worries, worrying, coworker, coworkers, colleague, colleagues, co-worker, co-workers, office worker, office workers, office drone, office drones, cubicle, cubicles, furious, angry, anger, infuriate, infuriates, infuriating, ceiling, ceiling tile, ceiling tiles, crawlspace, crawlspaces, crawl space, crawl spaces
"Handwriting analysis has revealed that Spencer is not in fact my husband."
A woman reads "Men's Fault" magazine.
Cartoon Panel Discussion
Tags:paranoid, paranoia, anxious, anxiety, self conscious, self consciousness, insult, insults, insulting, insulted, criticise, criticising, criticism, hearing voice, hearing things, discussion, discussions, fourth wall, the fourth wall, breaking the fourth wall, fashions, mens fashion, mens fashions, men's fashion.men's fashions, business wear, suit, suits
"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, rodent, rodents, squirrel, squirrels, history, historical, accident, accidents, conspiracy theory, conspiracy theories, conspiracy theorist, conspiracy theorists, paranoia, paranoid, secret, secrets, housing, house, houses, freemasonry, masonry, mason, masons, freemason, freemasons
"My wife wants to spend Halloween with her first husband."
'The House Of Mystery'
"At first, I thought it was gunfire."
Tags:gunfire, gunshot, gunshots, backfire, backfires, backfiring, engine, engines, engine trouble, car, cars, auto, autos, automobile, automobiles, paranoia, paranoid, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, mechanic, mechanics, shop, in the shop, loud noise, loud noises, suspicious noise, suspicious noises
The Neuro — The First Official Worldwide Currency
Tags:neurotic, neuroses, paranoid, paranoia, self-esteem, self-esteem issue, self-esteem issues, hate, hates, dating, dating life, dating lives, single life, single lives, single, singles, date, dates, boyfriend, boyfriends, lonely, loneliness, self-confident, self-confidence, concern, concerns, concerned, currency, currencies, therapist, therapists, therapy, phone call, phone calls, call, calls, phone, phones, wait, waits, waiting