Paranoid Cartoons

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

"My parents sent back all my stuff that came from China."

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

"And, finally, are you now or have you ever been disgruntled?"

"And would you be performing the actual surgery?"

"We'd love to come, but the weather mongers have paralyzed us with fear."

"Mr. Harrison already sees you."

"Every year, the zebras get faster and faster."

Conspiracy Theories $10

"You know, I never properly vetted you."

"You understand I have to ask. You're not some sort of skinhead, are you?"

"Government surveillance I don't mind. What disturbs me is the bad jokes my friends constantly make about our calls being monitored."

"I wish we could stay longer, Adam, but Don just doesn't think the security's adequate."

"Psst. Is everyone still mad at me?"

"Watch it. Here comes the law."

The Nervous Gourmet:Low-Risk Chicken

"Handwriting analysis has revealed that Spencer is not in fact my husband."

A woman reads "Men's Fault" magazine.

Cartoon Panel Discussion

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

"My wife wants to spend Halloween with her first husband."

'The House Of Mystery'

"At first, I thought it was gunfire."

The Neuro — The First Official Worldwide Currency

No Immediate Danger