"What should you do? Here's what you should do: invent a time machine, go back sixteen months, and convert everything to cash."
Tags:economic crash, economic crashes, market crash, market crashes, time machine, time machines, financial advisor, financial advice, financial adviser, money manager, money managers, broker, brokers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, bond, bonds, savings, savings account, 401k, 401ks, 401(k), pension, pensions, bear market, bear markets, great recession, recession, recessions
"I rolled my pension over and over and over, and now I have no idea where the hell it is."
Unusual Retirement Plans
Tags:pension, pensions, pensioner, pensioners, 401k, 401ks, 401(k), retirement savings, retirement savings account, retirement savings accounts, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial planner, financial planners, investment, investments, investing, investor, investors, savings, savings account, savings account, irresponsible
"Don't you have another retirement plan?"
Tags:retire, retirement, retirement plan, retirements, retirement plans, senior citizen, senior citizens, work, office, offices, retiring, pension, pensions, sleeping on the job, early retirement, late retirement, on the job, married to the job, work from home, work, works, job, jobs, alternative plan, alternative plans, workaholic, workaholics, work addict, work addicts
"The employees have to assume a share of the blame for allowing the pension fund to become so big and tempting."
Tags:blame, blames, blaming, pension, pensions, pension fund, pension funds, embezzle, embezzles, embezzling, embezzlement, white collar crime, blame, blames, blaming, kickback, kickbacks, corporate kickback, corporate kickbacks, share, shares, elite, elites, elitist, elitists, executive, executives, criminal, criminals, criminality
"If I knew what our 401k was doing maybe I could sleep."
Tags:401k, pension, pensions, pensioner, pensioners, senior citizen, senior citizens, pension fund, pension funds, grizzly, grizzlies, grizzly bear, grizzly bears, bear, bears, worrier, worriers, worrying, retirement plan, retirement plans, retirement planning, hibernation, hibernations, hibernating, hibernated, anxiety, anxious
"I'm trying to forget a 401k."
Tags:401k, 401(k), french foreign legion, foreign legion, foreign legions, financial crisis, financial crises, money problem, money problems, money troubles, financial troubles, financial problems, soldier, soldiers, retirement fund, retirement funds, pension fund, pension funds, pension, pensions, retirement planning
"Remember all those 401k contributions we matched? Well, now we need a favor."
Tags:tired, tree, trees, sit down, sits down, sitting down, rest, rests, resting, relax, relaxes, relaxation, back, backs, back problem, back problems, back trouble, arbor, arbor day, arboreal, arboretum, senior, senior citizen, senior citizens, oap, old age pensioner, pensioner, pensioners, pension, pensions
"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."
Tags:money, cash, cash in, cashing in, coffee, coffee addict, addict, addicted, addiction, finance, finances, personal finance, financial crisis, crash, market crash, recession, recessions, modern, modern life, luxury, luxuries, necessity, necessities, retirement, retirement fund, retirement funds, 401k, pension, pensions, pension scheme, latte, lattes, city life, middle class, new middle class, economy, economics, frugal, scrimp, scrimping, saving, savings, coffee, coffee bar, coffee bars, trend, trends, barista, baristas, expensive
"Those once-in-a-lifetime events are beginning to add up."
"It's just as easy to love a man with a pension as to love a man without one."
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, dating, marriage, marriages, married life, love, easy to love, finances, money, pension, pensions, rich, wealth, wealthy, poor, poverty, old age, age, old people, old woman, old women, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, elderly, elderly people, rich man, poor man, expression, expressions, cliche, cliches, proverb, proverbs, it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one, marry for money, marrying for money, cliche, cliches
"By the way, Sam, as someday you'll be paying for my entitlements, I'd like to thank you in advance."
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, family, families, entitlement, entitlements, entitlement program, entitlement programs, entitlement programmes, entitlement programmes, benefit, benefits, benefit program, benefits programme, benefits programs, benefits programmes, welfare, social security, pension, pensions, medicare, medicaid, politics, government, governments, thankful, grateful, thanking, money, paying, payment, payments, investment, investments, advance, future, old age, retirement, elderly, old people, elderly people, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, middle-age, middle age, middle-aged, middle aged, aging, ageing, growing old, growing older, getting older, getting old, growing old
"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"
Tags:modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, once upon a time, fairy story, fairy stories, fairy tale, fairy tales, pension, pensions, state pension, state pensions, grandparent, grandparents, back in the day, old timer, old timers, austerity, capitalism, socialism, socialist, socialists, capitalist, capitalists
"My 401(k) is safe. It's tied up in booze futures."
"In lieu of a monthly check I'll receive a crateful of seasonal fruit."
Tags:pension, pensions, pensioner, pensioners, pension payment, pension payments, fruit basket, fruit baskets, seasonal fruit, seasonal fruits, substitution, substitutions, substitute, substitutes, pension negotiation, pension negotiations, social inequitably, inequality, workplace pension, workplace pensions, pensions market, the pension market
"There are no medical or pension benefits, but the employees' lounge has excellent free coffee."
Tags:benefit, benefits, medical, dental, insurance, insured, severance, free, freebies, pension, pensions, bonus, bonuses, dental, medical, new job, new career, career change, congratulations, personnel, human resources, hr, h r, corporate, corporations, businessmen, business men, businessman, business man, modern life, modern world, working world, capitalism, coffee, free coffee, lounge, employee, employee benefits
"I'd be upset, too, if they replaced my golden parachute with a dirty rolled-up carpet."
Tags:retirement, forced retirement, pension, pensions, merger, mergers, laid off, lay off, laid-off, lay offs, lay-off, merger, mergers, redundancy, redundancies, made redundant, redundant, golden parachute, golden parachutes, executive, executives, manager, managers, business manager, business managers, business executive, business executive, carpet, carpets, takeover, takeovers, business takeover, business takeovers, bonus, bonuses
"Your retirement fund has become dangerously enlarged."
"What about my old age?"
"I just heard that when you die your social security checks stop!"
"It was going to be a very rough year but fortunately I was able to terminate the elves pension plan."
"It isn't enough to feel sixty-five. You have to be sixty-five."
Tags:retirement, retiring, retiree, retirees, social security, pension, pensions, pensioner, pensioners, oap, oaps, old age pensioner, old age pensioners, old, elderly, old people, elderly people, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, aging, ageing, growing old, growing older, getting older, getting old, growing old, old age, age, ages, middle-age, middle age, middle aged, middle-aged
"Twenty years ago when I started planning my retirement I had no idea how big my bar bill would be."
"Well, I guess that pretty much takes care of our retirement plans."