Performers Cartoons

"What's the next best medicine?"

Audience Participation

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

"There's no business like show business. . ."

"This next song goes out to anyone who's ever been in love with the idea of invading Iran."

"You're on next. Break a leg!"

"Accepting the applause for Mr. Fontana—Mr. Fontana's mother."

"I don't know much about show business, but I do know we're selling more hamburgers."

A man jumps from the frying pan into the fire.

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

"In my view, management overrates the motivational appeal of mackerel."

"I'm running away to join the Cirque du Soleil."

Chicken standing on a platform on a stage with three horns in front of it and wearing a top hat; a sign on the side of the platform reads "National Endowment for the Arts - Seal of Approval."

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

Grand Piano

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

"This next one is a sad little blues tune about love and pain that I wrote before I started taking Celexa."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"What's remarkable is that just last week he was lying despondent on the beach."

"Is there a doctor in the house, and more importantly, another magician?"

Piano Airbag

"Tonight is open mike, n'est-ce pas?"

"Who's ready to hear a lot of adjacent keys played simultaneously?"

"For the love of God, is there a doctor in the house?"