"I can read you your rights, or you can listen to your rights on tape."
Tags:rights, miranda rights, reading rights, read you your rights, police, policeman, police officer, police officers, arrest, arresting, arrested, perp, perpetrator, criminal, criminals, suspect, suspects, reading, read, reading aloud, read aloud, audiobooks, audiobook, tape, tapes, recording, recording, lazy, laziness, absurd, absurdist, listen, listening
"Judgement Day: Division Four"
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, legal system, justice system, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, prosecutor, prosecutors, prosecution, defense, defence, defendant, defendants, client, clients, witness, witness, bailiff, bailiffs, police, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, day in court, justice, chaos, confusion, judgement day, american court system, punishments, sentence, sentences, sentencing, criminal, criminals, media, press, journalist, journalists, reporter, reporters, jury, juries, juror, jurors, murder, murders, homicide, swearing in, incompetent, incompetents, incompetence
"You get one phone call or we can switch your carrier and you'll get five-cents-a-minute, unlimited calls, anytime, anywhere, including free evenings and weekends."
Tags:police, police station, arrest, arrested, phone call, phone calls, one call, one phone call, right, rights, interrogation, interrogations, interrogate, mobile phone, mobile phones, mobile phone plans, mobile phone plans, cell phone, cell phones, cell phone plan, options, option, dilemma, dilemmas, calling plan, calling plans, choice, choices, choose, choosing, pick one, cell carriers, cell carrier, mobile carrier, mobile carriers
"I'm sorry, I can't help you-you're subject to bird law now."
Tags:police, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, car, cars, vehicle, vehicles, automobile, automobile, tree, trees, stuck, trapped, accident, accidents, car accident, car accidents, strange, unusual, bird, birds, bird law, car in a tree, legal system, law, laws, animal, animals, transportation, legal issue, legals issues, legal problem, legal problems, help, aid, up a tree
Emergency numbers on a telephone.
Tags:telephone, telephones, phone, phones, calling, phoning, call, calls, speed dial, emergency, emergencies, emergency number, emergency numbers, therapist, therapists, haircolorist, haircolorists, haircolourist, haircolourists, hair colorist, hair colorists, hair colourist, hair colourists, manicurist, manicurists, nutritionist, nutritionists, chiropractor, chiropractors, astrologer, astrologers, police
"The Bluebird of Happiness is on his way. We're security."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, bird, birds, bluebird, bluebirds, bluebird of happiness, happiness, happy, depression, mental health, sadness, sad, unhappy, security, frisk, frisking, search, searching, screening, protection, secret service, police, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, guard, guards, government, governments, terrorism, modern life
"You've reached 911, and there's someone here who wants to say hello."
Tags:say hello, saying hello, pet, pets, pet lover, pet lovers, cat, cats, cat lover, cat lovers, 911, emergency, emergencies, emergency operator, emergency operators, cute, cuteness, overly cute, casual, out-of-place, police, call the police, calling the police, annoying, annoyance, annoyances, modern life, cat owner, cat owners, cat person, cat people, feline, felines, hold, holds, holding, on hold, emergency response, emergency responses, emergency response system, emergency response systems
"It's not that I'm old. I've always been a lousy driver."
"Before we go to lockup, you've got to see this hilarious video."
Tags:police, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, arrest, arrests, arrested, police car, police cars, police cruiser, police cruisers, lockup, lockups, jail, jails, prison, prisons, criminal, criminals, suspect, suspects, felon, felons, bad guy, bad guys, laptop, laptops, computer, computers, video, videos, internet, online, internet video, internet videos, streaming, viral video, viral videos, hilarious, funny, sharing, social networking, social network, social networks, social media, incompetent, incompetents, the power of the internet, technology, modern life, law, justice
"Do I know how fast I was going? Isn't that your job?"
Tags:word play, play on words, irony, ironic, police, policeman, police man, police officer, officer, officers, road, roads, highway, highways, interstate, inter state, drive, driving, drives, driven, drove, speed, speeding, speeding ticket, ticket, tickets, pulled over, pull over, motorcycle cop, motorbike cop, cop, cops, sports car, sports cars, sportscar, deadpan, dead pan, sarcasm, sarcastic, bad idea, bad ideas, highway patrol, moving violation, moving violations
"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."
Tags:mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, child, children, kid, kids, childhood, dad, dads, father, fathers, fatherhood, law, laws, crimes, law and order, criminal, criminals, aiding, accessory, accessory to crime, abetting, police, policeman, policemen, policewoman, policewomen, cop, cops, feds, government
"There you are!"
Tags:missing people, missing person, missing persons, bureau of missing persons, there you are, found, find, incompetent, incompetence, missing people, disappear, disappearances, disappearance, disappearing, going missing, missing persons unit, governments, public service, public services, failing services, police, detective, detectives, investigator, investigators
"So call the smoke police."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, talking pet, talking pets, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, talking dog, talking dogs, dog, dogs, canine, canines, dog owner, dog owners, smoke, smoking, smoker, smokers, nicotine, tobacco, unhealthy, health, bad habit, bad habits, police, law, laws, smoking laws, bad dog, bad dogs
"Orange you glad I didn't say banana? But seriously, that's the last time we knock."
"Oh, great! Here comes the obligatory car chase."
Tags:bank, banks, banking, bank robbery, bank robberies, robbery, robberies, robbing, bank heist, bank heists, heist, heists, robber, robbers, bank robber, bank robbers, stick-up, stick-ups, hold-up, hold-ups, stickup, stickups, holdup, holdups, criminal, criminals, getaway car, getaway cars, getaway vehicle, getaway vehicles, car chase, car chases, chase scene, chase scenes, police, police car, police cars, police cruiser, police cruisers, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, car, cars, vehicle, vehicles, automobile, automobiles, driving, driver, drivers, transportation, film, films, movie, movies, action
"Your call is important to us."
Tags:call line, call lines, call-line, call-lines, helpline, helplines, help-line, help-lines, skeleton, skeletons, bone, bones, corpse, police, policemen, policeman, detective, detectives, crimes, crime scene, crime scenes, customer service, customer services, call centre, call centres, call center, call centers, hold, put on hold, wait, patience, patient
"That's him—the one on the right."
Tags:evolve, evolved, evolves, evolution, evolutionary, line up, line-up, police lineup, lineup, police, policeman, cop, cops, police man, officer, officers, police officer, ape, apes, monkey, monkeys, prehistory, prehistoric, history, historical, science, theory, theory of evolution, darwin, darwinism, creation, creationism
"O.K., folks, let's break it up."
Tags:gun, guns, gun control, gun law, gun laws, second amendment, right to bear arms, firearm, firearms, crimes, criminal, criminals, gun violence, mexican standoff, standoff, shoot, shooting, handgun, handguns, violence, mass shooting, mass shootings, school shooting, school shootings, murder, public shooting, police, policeman, policemen, cop, cops, authority
"They're going to make it tough for you around here when they find out you used to be a cop."
Tags:prison, prisoners, prisoner, cops, cop, ex cop, ex policeman, prison cell, police, policeman, criminal, criminals, crimes, jail, jails, incarceration, incarcerated, sentence, sentencing, cellmates, inmate, inmates, law breaker, law breakers, law breaking, law and order, police officer, police officers, law enforcement, law enforcement officers, law enforcement officer, jailbird, jailbirds, tough, rough, hard, difficult, secret, secrets, secretive, giveaway, giveaways
"Nope. Looks to me like a clear-cut case of suicide by somehow reaching around behind the back and sticking a knife in backward. Let's get a drink."
Tags:detective, detectives, police, crimes, police officer, police officers, officer, officers, stab, criminal, stabbing, stabs, stabbed, kill, killed, killing, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murderous, investigation, investigating, investigate, investigation, investigates, scene, crime scene, crime scenes, lazy, conclusion, unlikely, conclusions, laziness, work, working, bored, suicidal, suicides, incompetence, incompetent, cover up, coverup, cover-up, cover ups
"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"
Tags:dna, crimes, forensics, forensic, lab, laboratory, lab, labs, laboratories, logic, flawed logic, analysis, flawed, bad, suspect, suspects, mink, minks, police, police force, fed, feds, fbi, federal bureau of investigations, analyse, fibres, fibers, fibre, fiber, investigation, criminal, dna evidence, twins, twin
"Sorry to crash the party, folks, but all the little people that made it happen were just discovered buried in a shallow grave outside Bakersfield."
Tags:dark humour, dark humor, black humour, black humor, dead, die, died, death, dying, killed, killing, killer, killers, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, investigate, investigative, investigator, investigators, fbi, f.b.i., federal bureau of investigation, detective, detectives, police, policeman, policemen, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, crimes, criminal, criminals, hollywood, bakersfield, california, award, awards, ceremony
"I'm just going to give you a warning this time, and some SPF 50."
Tags:warning, warnings, burn, burns, sunburn, sunburns, sunburning, sunburned, shirtless, shirtlessness, let off, let off with a warning, spf 50, sunblock, bad idea, bad ideas, police, police department, police departments, cop, cops, park scene, park scenes, public park, public parks, park, parks, faux pas
"O.K., where's the famine?"
Tags:famine, word play, play on words, car, cars, police, police officer, police officers, authorities, authority, cop, cops, traffic cop, traffic cops, speeding, over the limit, over the speed limit, speed limit, speed limits, in a rush, in a hurry, hot dog cart, food cart, street food, food, foods, ticket, tickets, speeding ticket, pulled over, food truck, food trucks, food stall, food stand, hot dog vendor, hot dog stand, law and order
"Don't worry about it—when we get to the courtroom, you can borrow my comb."
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, case, cases, criminal, criminals, suspect, suspects, accused, police, police officer, police officers, security, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barrister, judge, judges, comb, combs, hair, hairdo, hairstyle, messy, messy hair, messed up, bad hair day, personal appearance, style, styles, covered, hide, hidden, face, faces, identity, tv, tvs, television, televisions, camera, cameras, news