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"Barking at the mailman doesn't make you a media watchdog."
"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."
"Mommy and Daddy and their friends are pretending they don't have horrible lives now."
"You folks drunk enough yet?"
"Can I say something obnoxious and inflammatory under the pretense of playing devil's advocate for a moment?"
"Those are the books I never had a chance to finish, and those are the books I never had a chance to start."
"I've pretended to be interested in that breed many times."