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"No one uses Facebook anymore. I'm on this new thing called make-believe."
"If you want to find out more about my dull boring life check out my blog or my Facebook page or my Twitter page or the fliers I taped to lamp posts all over town."
"I'm not going to make it. Show me how to delete my face book profile."
"What's that, Eddie? You want to give thumbs up and laugh emoji to my hot take on the news?"