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"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."
"Have you ever just blurted out a plea and then wished you could take it back?"
Nude Defending a Staircase
"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."
"My incompetence will become the basis of your appeal."
"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."
"Normally, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. These closing arguments would be filled with impassioned pleading, determined advocacy and a certain amount of histrionics, but this is a pro bono case."