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"Is it too revealing?"
"Oh, loosen up, Beveridge! Boobs are back."
Hair being abducted
"True, it's been revealed that I have a second family, but, I assure you, I am a decent second-family man."
"Do you really like Rembrandt, or do you simply identify with him as a white heterosexual male?"
"I think it's time I told you my little secret, Miss Bigelow!"
"Perhaps it will surprise you to learn the following—you've been beaten by your very own wife!"
"...I have to close now, darling. I'm sorry Army regulations don't permit me to tell you where I am stationed now. Aloha! Jimmy."