Review Cartoons

"Oh, shush! You live by Janet Maslin, you're going to die by Janet Maslin."

Water-main break - "Very serious." - The Times

"According to our time-and-motion studies, you handle your time very well but a lot of your motion is wasted."

"It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, and No.1 on the best-seller list."

"And I'd recommend this book to anyone in the market for a free plush toy."

"I thought it had a lot to say about evil villains who want to take over the world."

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

"I just have a few minor fixes that will ruin everything you've come up with."

"I've been called 'most probably a genius.'"

"This detergent sucks."

"It's so-so."

"The following program is rated P, for 'poop.' "

"I couldn't tell if it was a fable or it was badly written."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"I never connect with universal themes."

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

Reviewing Earth

The New York Review of Weather.

"As you can see, Henderson has no brain."

"Revelatory, Michael - such airy meatballs."

"Of course, I'd love to, Geoff. If only that chair weren't so flimsy."

"The reviews said the reviewers were very clever."

"You call that a suit?"

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."