Saint Peter Cartoons

"Surprise!"

"Let's be reasonable. Just approve my client, and we'll all be spared a lot of nasty litigation."

"Actually, I preferred 'Heaven,' too, but then the marketing guys got hold of it."

"Did you bring a duplicate copy of your 'Times' obit with you?"

"No, no, that's not a sin, either. My goodness, you must have worried yourself to death."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"Wait, those weren't lies. That was spin!"

"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."

"You picked the wrong religion, period. I'm not going to argue about it."

Concierge in Heaven

"I'm expecting easy confirmation."

"You had more money than God. That's a big no-no."

"Damn! God gave me that pen."

"That's it? Salesman of the month, August '87?"

"But stay off the couch."

"Ah! Here you are - over on the s**t list."

"No, sorry, you'll still be dumb."

"So you can take it with you!"

"Malcolm W. Dunlap, violin repairs. Malcolm, we are so pleased to see you."

"Well, all your good deeds appear to be in order - now all that's left is the cavity search."

"Trust me. It's not a God-given right."

"Wings that don't work! Harps that don't play! Are you sure this isn't Hell?"

"It says here that you gave a lot of money to both parties and neither expected nor received anything in return. Very nice, but we'll have to put you in the crazy section."

"Go ahead, finish your beer."

"I would have stayed in Purgatory if I'd know this was going to be such a schlep."