Saint Peter's Gate Cartoons

"Did you bring a duplicate copy of your 'Times' obit with you?"

"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."

"No, sorry, you'll still be dumb."

"So you can take it with you!"

"Malcolm W. Dunlap, violin repairs. Malcolm, we are so pleased to see you."

"Well, all your good deeds appear to be in order - now all that's left is the cavity search."

"It says here that you gave a lot of money to both parties and neither expected nor received anything in return. Very nice, but we'll have to put you in the crazy section."

"Quick! I need some more charitable donations!"

"I hear they're desperate for new users."

"We've always admired those literate prayers of yours, and it's our hope that you'll keep them coming even though you're dead."

"The old pearly gates looked nice, but they were hell to maintain."

"Hold on—I forgot to stamp your hand."

"You're saying that because of the merger I have to admit both of you?"

"I see that on Sunday, June 7, 2009, you Googled the answer to 16 Across—a five-letter word for the ancient capital of Assyria."

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"Well, according to the scuttlebutt we're dead."

"Try coming back tomorrow with your pants pulled up."

"I'd like to congratulate you on dying with dignity."

"Limbo as such has been phased out, but we'll be keeping you on hold for an unspecified amount of time."

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Any fruits or vegetables?"

"Sorry, bub. You're not database."

"You're confirmed for Sunday at 5:30 A.M. in your bed, sound asleep."

"Actually, he's not all that big, but he's really ripped."