"Listen, everybody feels a little depressed around this time of year!"
Tags:santa, santas, father christmas, st nick, saint nick, saint nicholas, st nicholas, kris kringle, kris-kringle, santa claus, depressed, depression, holiday, holidays, christmas, christmases, christmas depression, mental health, therapy, therapies, irony, ironic, psychology, psychologist, psychologist, shrink, shrinks, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, therapist, therapists, counselor, counselors, analyst, psychoanalyst
"The knees are the first to go."
Tags:knee, knees, santa, santa claus, father christmas, department store santa, department store santas, work-related injury, work-related injuries, injury, injuries, knee, knees, knee pain, weight, added weight, extra weight, stress fracture, stress fractures, fracture, fractures, sprain, sprains, sprained, fractured, joint, joints, joint pain
"I see. And precisely what methods did you use to determine that my client was a 'bad boy'?"
"It's from Santa, and it goes way, way beyond jolly."
"A sugarplum fairy to see you, sir - with her lawyer."
Tags:sirloin, short loin, round, rump, reindeer, reindeers, meat cut, meat cuts, santa, santa claus, father christmas, saint nick, st nick, st. nick, saint nicholas, st nicholas, st. nicholas, festive period, festive season, seasonal work, seasonal job, seasonal jobs, elf, elves, north pole, chef, chefs, cook, cooks, reindeer meat
"Oh shoot, we still need to get Hanukkah gifts for the Rosenbaums."
Tags:santa, santa claus, kris kringle, father christmas, saint nick, st nicholas, saint nicholas, st nick, pelznickel, mr claus, mrs claus, hannukkah, gift, gifts, present, presents, friend, friends, jewish, christian, christians, judaism, christianity, realistic, realism, gifting, second temple, home, marriage, home life, shpasik, jtoons
"It starts earlier every year."
Tags:christmas, christmas season, holiday season, holiday, holidays, retail, retailer, retailers, commercialism, commercialist, santa, santas, santa claus, father christmas, charity, charities, fundraising, fundraiser, fundraisers, start early, starts early, starting early, raise money, raises money, raising money
"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."
"How do I know you're not going to turn around and spend it on eggnog?"
Tags:eggnog, egg nog, nog, santa, santa claus, charity, charities, salvation army, christmas season, give, gives, giving, donation, donations, handout, handouts, hand out, hand outs, handing out, alcoholic, alcoholics, drug addict, drug addiction, drug addictions, addict, addicts, panhandle, panhandles, panhandling, panhandler, panhandlers, spirit of giving
"You smell like a chimney."
"It's Lyme disease again."
Tags:santa, santa claus, father christmas, lyme, lyme disease, deer, reindeer, tick, ticks, deer tick, deer ticks, diagnosis, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, saint nick, saint nicholas, st. nick, st. nicholas, exposure, illness, illnesses, contagion, contagions, disease vector, disease vectors, transmission, disease transmission
Santa Claus reads a newspaper while Rudolph's head is mounted on a wall behind him.
"I can't help but feel disappointed."
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas."
Tags:science, experiment, experiments, scientist, scientists, mad, evil, crazy, monster, monsters, creature, creatures, literature, book, books, novel, novels, frankenstein, the modern prometheus, mary shelley, dead, corpse, corpses, dead body, dead bodies, zombie, zombies, christmas, xmas, noel, yule, santa, santa claus, father christmas, st. nick, saint nick, st. nicholas, saint nicholas, song, songs, famous song, famous songs, lyrics, music, christmas song, christmas songs, christmas music, singing, singer, singers
"Great. You move to Mexico, and we all end up working at McDonald's."
Tags:mexico, outsource, outsources, outsourcing, relocate, relocates, relocating, tax dodger, tax dodgers, tax dodging, job loss, job losses, globalism, globalist, globalists, santa, santa claus, north pole, elf, elves, downsize, downsizes, downsizing, worker, workers, average worker, average workers, factory job, factory jobs, ship overseas, shipping overseas, maquiladora, maquiladoras, father christmas, business, businesses, businessman, businessmen, bottom line, bottom lines, wage, wages, nafta, north american free trade agreement, usmca, united states mexico and canada agreement, trump, donald trump
Line of children to see Santa Claus; Line of parents to use the ATM
Tags:atm, automated teller machine, atms, automated teller machines, atm machine, atm machines, cash point, cash points, cash machine, cash machines, money machine, money machines, bank machine, bank machines, bank, banks, money, cash, line, lines, lining up, line up, queue, queues, queuing, santa, santa claus, mall santa, sit on santa's knee, visit santa, season, seasons, seasonal, mall, malls, store, stores, shop, shops, winter, christmas, christmastime, christmas season, xmas, noel, yule, shopping, xmas shopping, christmas shopping, consumerism, gift, gifts, present, presents, kids, kids, child, children, adults, parent, parents, family, families, shopping mall, shopping malls, department store, department stores
Tags:security, security guard, security, metal detector, scanner, body scanners, santa, santa claus, father christmas, christmas, christmas time, santas grotto, santa's grotto, modern life, modern attitudes, mall santa, mall, malls, shopping malls, shopping mall, shopping center, shopping centers, shopping centre, shopping centre, full body scanner, security body scanner, over cautious, overcautious, elf, elves, santa's elves, santas elves, north pole, the north pole
"Have you been a moral child?"
Tags:santa, santa claus, father christmas, st. nick, saint nick, st. nicholas, saint nicholas, christmas, xmas, yule, noel, mall santa, mall santas, shopping mall santa, shopping mall santas, kid, kids, child, children, good, bad, nice, list, lists, moral, morals, ethics, ethical, morality, modern life
"I hope that isn't real fur."
Tags:vegan, veg, vegans, veggie, vegetarian, vegetarians, cruelty, cruelty free, cruelty-free, fur, fur industry, santa, santa's grotto, grotto, santa clause, santa claus, claus, animal rights, animal rights activist, fur ban, happy holidays, play on words, word play, word-play, modern, modern life, modern world, kids these days, kids say the darndest things, kid, kids, child, childhood, awareness, aware, christmas, christmas time, merry christmas
Please give so I don't have to sell reindeer blood for wine money.
Tags:winos, santa, santas, santa claus, charity, charities, mall, malls, salvation army, raise money, raises money, raising money, homeless, alcoholic, alcoholics, alcoholism, threat, threats, threaten, threatens, panhandle, panhandles, panhandling, panhandler, panhandlers, reindeer, north pole, intimidate, intimidates, intimidating, intimidation, beggar, beggars, begging, christmas, christmas season, holiday season