Screenwriter Cartoons

"For his next picture, my client wants creative control, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. Is that clear?"

"It's like 'Family Circus' meets 'The Wire,' but on a cruise ship."

"I couldn't tell if it was a fable or it was badly written."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

"Now, for God's sake, leave the irony to the people who can handle it."

Write a Screenplay

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

"We are in the bear's house. Goldilocks has just eaten a bowl of porridge. Papa Bear enters."

Duplass Brothers

Bradley Cooper

Jay McInerney

"If Neil Simon's going to keep writing them, we're going to keep seeing them."

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

Blank Books, Blank Screenplays

Good Cop/Hollywood Cop: "Confess or my partner will make you read his screenplay."

"Jessica has an idea about going to the beach that she'd like to pitch you."

"It turns out that if you give 100 monkeys 100 typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

"He's done it your majesty! He's turned lead into a screenplay!"

John Waters

Look, Mr. Frodo--a plot device!

Dustin Lance Black

"Damn it, Eddie, you told me this script was stupid."

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."