Selfish Cartoons

"I'd like to get back to doing less for charity."

"That is incredible. Do you know that I, too, want as much as I can get as fast as I can get it?"

"My question is for the medical examiner."

"There is no justice in the world."

"Isn't it true that you did not love the victim, as you claim, but, in point of fact, feigned affection for the sole purpose of obtaining tuna fish?"

"And may we continue to be worthy of consuming a disproportionate share of this planet's resources."

"My child's school is having an auction, so can your entire life come to a halt?"

A fisherman rides the subway back with his catch.

"Damn it, man, do I look like I have any yellow ochre?"

"Here I was, all this time, worrying that maybe I'm a selfish person, and now it turns out I've been suffering from compassion fatigue."

"Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, Hargraves, but part of me wants to go to lunch."

"The dreams of avarice are coming back."

"Will he ever be able to produce revenue again?"

"This isn't about you, Cheryl. In this crazy world your problems don't amount to a hill of beans. This is about me."

"I've tried a lot of life strategies, and being completely self-serving works best for me."

"Spare a little eye contact?"

"Lately I've been getting into compassion."

"Enough about me, but nothing about you just yet."

"All I can say is that if being a leading manufacturer means being a leading polluter, so be it."

"My issues! Read all about it!"

"I have this fantasy of everyone else in my life reinventing themselves."

"I won't have kids until gay men are able to give birth in every state."

"I carry all my stress in Margaret's back."

"The computers went down at the supermarket, and everybody took it as a signal to go ahead and loot."