Service Cartoons

"Attention passengers. Flight 369 has been cancelled due to our desire to ruin your life."

"I can remember when there would have been a fire truck here in ten minutes, tops!"

"Sorry folks-it's not what you ordered, but everyone is getting fettucine until we fix the computer."

Leon's Auto Salvage and Center for Interpretive Dance

"Thank you, sir. I see you're not hopelessly liberal."

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"Would you mind bringing me a Western utensil?"

"How was your lonely little dinner, sir?"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"I can't quite picture who would enjoy a gift in that price range."

"I'm afraid the chocolate cake puts you over the calorie cap."

"With your large bucket of popcorn, you get your choice of Milk Duds, Jujubes or Strawberry Twizzlers."

Lunch Broker

"Sorry, sir, but none of our food is very good. It's the chef's way of punishing the rich."

"Does your waitress have any identifying marks or tattoos?"

"Do you want that with or without angioplasty?"

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

"Can the chef prepare it in some way no one has ever prepared anything before?"

"I can recommend the coho salmon in a wine-dill sauce, with a suggested retail price of twenty-four ninety-five. However, you may have it for only eighteen ninety-five if you order now."

"Hello. My name is Maury, and I'm going to be your crazy person today."

"What's wrong with that quiet little table for two in front of the Rangers game?"

"Everything's fine, thanks."

"Might I recommend the cud?"

"Might I recommend the orange Crayola for the smaller flowers and the blue-green for the foliage."