"Don't even think about it, buster!"
Tags:cupid's arrow, cupid, valentine, valentines, cupids arrow, valentine's day, valentines day, married couple, married couples, turn in, turns in, turning in, turn in early, turning in early, resistant, resistance, shoot, shoots, shooting, shot, sexless marriages, married life, married lives, old married couple, old married couples, low sex drive, low sex drives
"Did you do that to be hurtful?"
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, unhealthy relationship, unhealthy relationships, unhappy relationship, unhappy relationships, love, hate, marriage, marriages, married life, unhappy marriage, unhappy marriages, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, boyfriend, boyfriends, girlfriends, argument, arguments, arguing, fight, fights, fighting, conflict, conflicts, gun, guns, firearm, firearms, weapon, weapons, gun control, gun violence, gun crime, shot, shooting, shoot, revolver, revolvers, hand gun, hand guns, hurtful, mean, anger, angry, upset, injure, injury, injuries
"Call my attorney and say that I killed Ted in self-defense. Call my publicist and say that I wish Ted the best of luck in all his future endeavors."
A golfer contemplates a shot while a boy waits with an apple on his head.
Tags:golf, golfs, golfing, golfer, golfers, professional golfer, professional golfers, william tell, apple and the arrow, difficult lie, difficult lies, tee, tees, tee off, tees off, teeing off, sports, pro golf, pro golfer, pro golfers, shot, shots, shooting, arrow, arrows, aim, aims, aiming, stunt, stunts, stunt shot, stunt shots
"Sorry, Harold, but I'm reducing our carbon footprint."
Tags:carbon footprint, carbon footprints, footprint, footprints, murder, murders, murdering, murderer, murderers, excuse, excuses, shoot, shoots, shooting, shootings, shot, husband, husbands, wife, wives, discord, marital discord, environmentalism, environmentalist, environmentalists, resources, reduce, reduces, reducing
"This will buy you four months.
Tags:doctor, doctors, shot, shots, injection, injections, drug, pharmaceutical, pharmaceuticals, big pharma, prescription, prescriptions, medical problem, medical problems, disease, diseases, illness, illnesses, booster, booster shot, booster shots, vaccine, vaccines, vaccination, vaccinations, buy time, buys time, buying time, terminal, terminal illness, terminal illnesses, diagnosis, prognosis, prognoses, diagnoses, physician, physicians, comfort, comforting, bedside manner
"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, legal system, justice system, law, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, family law, shot, gun violence, gun crime, gun, guns, weapon, weapons, firearm, firearms, relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, unhappy relationship, unhappy relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, unhappy marriage, unhappy marriages, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, argument, arguments, arguing, fight, fights, fighting, conflict, conflicts, patient, patience, no patience, ran out of patience, moral relativism, yo, annoying, bothering, anger, upset, angry, frustrated, frustration
Tags:skeet, skeet fishing, skeet shooting, clay, clay targets, clay shooting, shooting, clay pigeon shooting, sport, sports, shotgun, gun, shotguns, guns, fishing, fish, outdoor sports, fly fishing, practice, impossible, shoots, shot, shots, fished, clay fish, cast, casting, casts, combine, combining
"This is going to be a little invasive."
Tags:appointment, appointments, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, shot, shots, injection, injections, fear of needles, needle phobia, phobia, phobias, invasive, warn, warns, warning, gp, general practitioner, family doctor, bedside manner, procedure, medical procedure, vaccine, vaccines, vaccination, vaccinations
"With four or more kids' meals, you get a shot of bourbon."
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, family, families, big family, big families, multiple kids, multiple children, restaurant, restaurants, fast food, eating out, dining out, food, eating, dining, meal, meals, mealtime, deal, deals, kids' meal, kids' meals, gift with purchase, customer service, service, crazy, drink, drinks, drinking, drinking alcohol, alcohol, alcoholic, liquor, booze, shot, shots, bourbon, relaxation, break, breaks, me-time, me time, modern life
"Legal and accounting were O.K. with it, but I had trouble getting it past archery."
Tags:office politics, approve, approved, approval, department, departments, departmental, proposal, proposals, businessmen, businessman, business man, business men, archery, arrows, riddled, arrow, archer, bow, bows, offices, just another day at the office, visual gag, visual joke, sight gag, sight joke, shot, shoot, shoot on sight, shot on sight, desk job, desk jobs, desk jockey, desk jockey, suits, offices
Tags:criminal, criminals, investigation, investigations, detective, detectives, police, policing, policed, shot, shooting, shoots, murder, murders, chalk, figure, outline, outlines, suspect, suspects, crime scene, crimes, unexpected, surprise, shoot, shootings, absurd, ridiculous, art, criminal, criminals, chalk fight
"Never underestimate the middle class."
Tags:middle class, middle-class, cowboy, cow boy, cow-boy, cowboys, cow-boys, cow boys, underestimate, underestimated, underestimates, gunslinger, gunslingers, fastest gun in the west, wild west, wildwest, wild-west, westward, draw, drawing, quick hand, class, classes, shoot, shooting, duel, dueling, shot, shots, pistol, pistols
"C'mon, Luke-this is no time for prop comedy."
Tags:cowboy, cowboys, bow and arrow, bow + arrow, shot, shoots, shooting, head, heads, impale, impaled, indians, indian, native american, native americans, tribe, tribes, comedian, comedy, prop comedy, inappropriate, kill, killed, murder, murdered, death, dead, dies, die, bow, arrow, wild west, old west, westward expansion, shootout, shootouts
"Two out of three."
Tags:double or nothing, two out of three, best of three, duel, duels, duelling, duelist, duelists, pistol, pistols, gun, guns, pistols at dawn, shoot, shooting, shot, injured, injury, victorian, victorians, unreasonable, irony, ironic, ironically, kill, killed, honor, honour, honorable, honourable, honored, honoured, classic, classic joke, classic jokes, slapstick, slap stick, slap-stick, kill, killed, fatal, fatality, regency, edwardian, word play, words, game, games, competitive, word play, word-play, last words
"Instant message, sire."
Tags:king, kings, sovereign, sovereigns, ruler, rulers, monarch, monarchs, monarchy, royal, royalty, history, historical, medieval, technology, innovation, innovative, message, messages, messaging, instant message, instant messaging, social media, social network, social networks, social networking, old-fashioned, computer, computers, arrow, arrows, shot, servant, servants, messenger, messengers, communication
"This is gonna hurt like hell."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, injection, injections, vaccination, vaccinations, vaccine, vaccines, needle, needles, hypodermic needle, hypodermic needles, syringe, syringes, shot, shots, going to the doctor, getting a shot, getting vaccinated, kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, family, families, hurt, pain, painful, paediatrician, paediatricians, pediatrician, pediatricians, kids doctor, kids doctors, children's doctor, children's doctors, bedside manner, pediatrics, paediatrics, scary, scared, afraid
"They're from David. He's been so much more considerate since I shot him."
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, unhealthy relationship, unhealthy relationships, love, hate, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, gift, gifts, present, presents, considerate, caring, chocolate, chocolates, box of chocolates, flowers, bouquet, conflict, conflicts, domestic dispute, domestic disputes, shot, shooting, violence, weapon, weapons, firearm, firearms, gun, guns, gun control, firearms regulation, gun violence, gun crime, modern life, black humor, black humour, dark humour, dark humor
"Elinor, honey, isn't Mr. Stripes pretty? He just had his shots."
"Another glass of absinth? That's your answer to everything."
Tags:absinth, absinths, spirit, spirits, absinthe, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholics, drunk, drunks, drunkard, drunkards, drinking your problems, drinker, drinkers, drunk, drunks, problem solver, problem solvers, problem solving, problem solved, shot, shots, drinking your sorrows, drink your sorrows, nag, nags, wife, wives, husband, husbands, answer to everything
"There goes the Aubusson."
Tags:death, deaths, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, killing, kills, killed, homicide, homicides, crimes, criminal, criminals, shot, shooting, shoot, shots, shoots, bleed, bleeding, bleeds, violence, violent, law, laws, marriage, married, marry, marriages, husband, wife, husbands, wives, relationship, relationships, aubusson, aubussons, gun, guns, pistol, pistols, tapestry, carpet, tapestries, carpets, france, french, concern, concerns, concerning, priorities, priority, annoy, annoyed, reaction, react
"Another miss, sir."
"And one for the old prostate."
Tags:bar, bars, pub, pubs, drink, drinks, drinking, alcohol, cocktail, cocktails, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, shot, shots, liquor, bartender, bartenders, customer, customers, drinker, drinkers, medicine, medication, medicines, medications, medical, hospital, hospitals, nurse, medical center, medical centers, medical centre, medical centres, gps, gp, general practitioner, general practitioners, surgery, surgeries, checkup, physical, physician, physicians, doctor's office, doctors office, doctor's offices, doctors offices
"He was very old and quite sick."
Tags:trophy, trophies, head, heads, taxidermy, animal, animals, deer, hunting, hunter, hunters, hobby, hobbies, sport, sports, leisure, old, sick, nature, death, dead, shot, killed, humane, excuse, excuses, justification, justifying, politics, euthanasia, animal rights, inhumane, suffering, game hunting, disapproving