"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."
Tags:menorah, menorahs, hanukkah, chanukah, judiasm, religion, religions, religious tradition, religious traditions, festival of lights, holiday, holidays, venture capital, capital, startup, startups, start-up, start-ups, venture capitalists, miracle, miracles, miraculous, finance, finances, financial, investment, investing, small business, small businesses, financial incubator, financial incubators, silicon valley, internet startup, internet startups, new business, business, businesses, business owner, business owners, cfo, c.f.o, shpasik, jtoons
Tags:hanukkah, christmas, tree, christmas tree, festival of lights, festival of dedication, chanukah, dreidal, menorah, candle, candles, candle lighting, winter, winter wonderland, snow, snowing, forest, chopping down trees, tree decorating, tree decorations, christians, christian, christianity, jewish, judism, celebrations, religion, religious, multi religion, traditions, traditional, family traditions, shpasik, jtoons
"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."
"Oh shoot, we still need to get Hanukkah gifts for the Rosenbaums."
Tags:santa, santa claus, kris kringle, father christmas, saint nick, st nicholas, saint nicholas, st nick, pelznickel, mr claus, mrs claus, hannukkah, gift, gifts, present, presents, friend, friends, jewish, christian, christians, judaism, christianity, realistic, realism, gifting, second temple, home, marriage, home life, shpasik, jtoons
"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."
Tags:death, dead, die, dies, dying, grim, grim reaper, reapers, reaper, creepy, scythe, scythes, soul, souls, eternal soul, underworld, religion, religious, religious imagery, modern, modern life, unexpected, guest, guests, doctor, doctors, knife, knives, jewish, jewish people, party, parties, dinner party, dinner parties, bar mitzvah, knives, sharp, cut, cutting, circumcision, shpasik, jtoons
"I'm Jewish and Don is Catholic, but we're raising the kids as wolves."
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, catholic, catholics, catholicism, mixed family, mixed families, kid, kids, children, religious family, religious families, ideology, ideologies, differing ideology, differing ideologies, raised by wolves, wolf, wolves, misbehave, misbehaves, misbehaving, interfaith, interfaith family, interfaith families, blended family, blended families, shpasik, jtoons
Ten Plagues for Today's Seder
Tags:passover, plague, plagues, seder, seders, spam, catalogue, catalogues, body hair, reality show, reality shows, underachiever, underachieves, ten plagues, old testament, torah, call waiting, megastore, megastores, audit, audits, middle age, middle aged, modern life, modern times, jewish holiday, jewish holidays, shpasik, jtoons
"What don't you understand? When my clients fly their guests over your farm on the way to Vegas, they'd like to see the words 'Mazel tov, Josh' spelled out in your cornfield."
Tags:guilt, guilts, guilting, mom, moms, mother, mothers, mum, mums, nag, nags, nagging, passive aggressive, passive aggression, passive aggressiveness, parent, parents, parenting, frustration, frustrations, frustrating, put on a sweater, nice young man, approval, approve, approves, approving, torah, genesis, bible, bible story, bible stories, shpasik, jtoons
Tags:seder, seders, passover, passovers, passover seder, judaism, jewish, jews, jew, torah, torahs, candy, candies, chocolate, chocolates, parody, parodying, alternative, holiday, holidays, celebration, celebrates, celebrate, hebrew, feast, feasts, represent, represents, representing, symbol, symbols, symbolism, food, foods, religion, religions, home, family, families, shpasik, jtoons
Jews for Jesus and also for pissing off one's parents, even if they weren't religious, in a way that the Hare Krishnas can't even begin to imagine.
Tags:jews, jew, judaism, torah, jesus, messiah, messiahs, rebel, rebellion, rebelling, rebels, hebrew, christian, christians, christianity, family, families, parent, parents, religion, religions, religious, youth, young, adolescent, adolescence, teenage rebellion, teenage-rebellion, teenage, teen, teens, shpasik, jtoons,
"I'm not beached. I just don't swim on Saturdays."
Tags:sabbath, the sabbath, shabbat, rest, rests, resting, orthodox, tradition, traditional, orthodox jew, whale, whales, beach, beached, beaches, beached whale, hasidic, hasidic jew, jewish, hasidic jews, custom, customs, religion, religions, religious, judaism, saturday, fish, fishes, ocean, oceans, sea, seas, play on words, word play, shpasik, jtoons
"I'm calling it 'Genesis.' It's part of a five-book contract."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, old testament, book, books, writer, writers, author, authors, literature, publisher, publishers, series, book series, series of books, desert, history, historical, popular book, popular books, ancient, jewish, judaism, christian, christianity, scribe, scribes, contract, contracts, shpasik, jtoons
"No, we're not Jewish, but we think it would be fun for our reception's theme to be 'A Jewish Wedding.'"
Tags:jewish, judaism, religion, religions, religious, culture, cultural appropriation, misappropriation, power imbalance, cultural adoption, marriage, engaged, engagement, wedding planning, wedding planner, wedding planners, bride, brides, groom, grooms, special events, special event, wedding, weddings, fiance, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, white people, relationship, relationships, ignorance, ignorant, shpasik, jtoons
"A pillar of salt? Why, you poor, poor man."
King Solomon's Wedding"You may kiss the brides. You may also kiss the concubines, but don't make a big tzimmes about it."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, ancient, biblical, hebrew, old testament, kings, book of kings, judaism, christianity, king solomon, relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, polygamy, polygamous, concubine, concubines, wedding, weddings, wedding ceremony, wedding ceremonies, wedding vows, vows, exchanging vows, saying i do, bride, brides, groom, grooms, kiss, kissing, rabbi, rabbis, minister, ministers, fuss, tzimmes, yiddish, shpasik, jtoons
King Solomon goes on "Jeopardy!"
Tags:king, kings, solomon, king solomon, game show, game shows, contestant, contestants, quiz, quiz show, knowledge, general knowledge, television, tv, tv show, tv shows, tv program, tv programs, tv programme, tv programmes, unfair, wise, old testament, bible, entertainment, religion, religions, religious, proverbs, wisdom, wise man, winning, winner, winners, win, competition, competitive, categories, shpasik, jtoons
Tags:arcade, arcades, arcade game, arcade games, slot machine, slot machines, coin op, coin ops, coin-op, coin-ops, jew, jews, jewish, judaism, mole, moles, bris, brit milah, circumcision, circumcisions, mohel, mohels, covenant of circumcision, circumciser, circumcisers, tradition, traditions, ritual, rituals, shpasik, jtoons
Boat Christening vs. Boat Bris
Tags:christen, christens, christening, bris, circumcise, circumcises, circumcising, circumcision, circumcisions, jewish, ship, ships, boat, boats, mohel, mohels, orthodox, jewish, judaism, rite, rites, rite of passage, rites of passage, sailor, sailors, ceremony, ceremonies, bow, bows, champagne bottle, champagne bottles, jibboom, jibbooms, shpasik, jtoons
"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"
Tags:animal, animals, sheep, pig, pigs, eat, eating, meat, bacon, pork, god, creation, creationism, religion, religious, judaism, jewish, dietary law, dietary laws, kosher, non-kosher, food, vegetarian, vegetarians, vegetarianism, vegan, vegans, veganism, shepherd, shepherds, wrap, wrapped, shpasik, jtoons
"He's all right. I just wish he were a little more pro-Israel."
Tags:moses, israel, israeli, israel-palestine, pro-israel, pro-israel policy, pro-israel policie, right wing, conservative, conservatives, gop, gop candidate, gop candidates, red sea, high bar, high bars, setting a high bar, partisan, partisans, partisanship, political divide, political divides, political division, political divisions, bible, bible story, bible stories, political polarization, politically polarized, litmus test, litmus tests, middle east policy, middle east policies, shpasik, jtoons
Shotgun Bar Mitzvah
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?" "This just in" "1. Nobody - 2. A schmuck - 3. Maybe tomorrow."
"First of all, this conversation never happened."
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, orthodox, yarmulke, yarmulkes, christmas, holiday, holidays, holiday season, deniability, plausible deniability, vow of silence, santa, santa claus, father christmas, hanukkah, chanukah, christian, christians, goyim, goy, gentile, gentiles, swearing to silence, jealous, envy, envious, shpasik, jtoons