Single Life Cartoons

"Where did you get those big brown eyes and that tiny mind

"But enough about my body. Let's talk about your body."

"Hi. I'm John, your date for this evening. I've brought my résumé and letters of recommendation."

"They're all sons of bitches."

"Honey, I'm home."

"If it makes you feel better—yes, I am heterocentric."

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

"We couldn't connect. He kept spouting technobabble, and I, of course, kept coming back with psychobabble."

A turkey displays a deck of cards.

"Right swipe, right swipe, right swipe..."

"I once mistakenly thought I was dating someone for a whole month because I couldn't tell his texts were sarcastic."

"Good to meet you, too, Sarah. See you in the A.M."

"How come we never sleep at my place?"

"I'm out of the closet but under the radar."

The Neuro — The First Official Worldwide Currency

"I'm inside the cake waiting to jump out."

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

A man irons one of his pant legs.

"I had a wonderful time. I just wish you were Oprah giving away cars."

"It turned out that everything he poured out to me that night on the bridge was spin."

"On my way home today on the bus, a lone grape rolled down the aisle and came to rest near my foot. It was pale free and looked to be of the seedless variety."

Not a huge fan of my wife's new boyfriend.

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

"I've found someone else who thinks I'm really attractive."