Split Up Cartoons

"Can't you see? He needs both of us!"

"Why do we need some piece of paper to say that we both hate each other?"

"I filed for divorce on the grounds of mental exhaustion."

"I'm sorry, Wilson, but I liked you better before your therapy."

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

"But you can't leave, Helen—I still have so much to learn from women."

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

"I put them up after the divorce so that he knows his father is still part of his life."

"This is goodbye, gentlemen. I have met another board of directors, and we have fallen in love."

"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."

"Mother was right about you. You're a toaster."

"And may all your chakras be blocked!"

"I'm sorry about your divorce, but you can't nest in the storeroom."

"What can I say? He makes me laugh."

"Go with Hannibal if you must."

"This isn't working. I'm putting you on a plane back to Ohio."

"I said I'm thinking about getting my own place."

"I'm sorry, David, but I think it's best to make a clean break."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

"You've made me very happy, but now I want to be miserable again."

"I like the old you better."

"This will never work. I can only spoon to the left."

"You knew I was straight when you married me."

"Who's going to finish your sentences?"

"I feel like Doris is divorcing me for all the wrong reasons."