"I just wanted you to hear it from me first, before you read it in the sky."
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pilot, pilots, skywriter, skywriters, skywriting, sky-writer, sky-writers, sky-writing, breakup, breakups, breaking up, split up, splits up, splitting up, break-up, break-ups, dumped, dumping, celebrity breakup, celebrity breakups, preempt, preempts, preempting, publicity, difficult conversation, difficult conversations, single, single life, rumor, rumors, rumour, rumours"Mother was right about you. You're a toaster."
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date, dates, dating, relationship, relationships, relationship problem, relationship problems, breakdown, breakdowns, breakup, breakups, breaking up, split up, splits up, splitting up, incompatible, incompatibility, toaster, toasters, appliance, appliances, wrong for each other, divorce, divorces, divorcing, mother-in-law, argument, arguments, arguing, spat, spats, row, rows, quarrel, quarrels, quarrelling"What can I say? He makes me laugh."
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breakup, breakups, breaking up, split up, splits up, splitting up, infidelity, infidelities, crime fighter, crime fighters, crime fighting, comic, comics, comic book, comic books, superhero, superheroes, superhero team, superhero teams, villain, villainous, common ground, find common ground, finding common ground, new boyfriend, new boyfriends, jealous, jealousy, team, teams, duo, duos, couple, couples"Who's going to finish your sentences?"
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couple, couples, walk out, walks out, walking out, divorce, divorces, divorcing, finish each other's sentence, finishing each other's sentences, split up, splits up, splitting up, split, splits, leave, leaves, leaving, husband, husbands, wife, wives, other half, threaten, threatens, threatening, fight, fights, fighting, argument, arguments, row, rows, rowing, furious"I would have left a long time ago, but I could never find luggage I really liked."
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divorce, divorces, divorcing, divorced, separation, separations, walk out, walks out, walking out, leave, leaves, leaving, husband, husbands, wife, wives, luggage, baggage, suitcase, suitcases, style, stylish, picky, choosy, fashionista, fashionistas, attractive, move out, moves out, moving out, split up, splits up, splitting up, breakup, breakups, break-up, breaks up, breaking up"I'd like you to meet Nan and Leo, but I think you already know Nan from back when it was Nan and Ralph."
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couple, couples, divorce, divorces, divorcing, remarry, remarries, remarrying, second marriage, second marriages, introduce, introduces, introduction, introductions, introducing, party, parties, split up, splits up, splitting up, break up, breaks up, breaking up, new partner, partner, partners, friend, friends, friendship, friendships, new identity, new identities, identity change, identity changes"Damn it, Maureen! You just don't break up a winning combination!"
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winning combination, winning combinations, combination, combinations, combo, combos, walk out, walks out, walking out, lucky horseshoe, lucky horseshoes, loser, losers, husband, husbands, wife, wives, breakup, breakups, break up, break ups, breaking up, split up, splits up, splitting up, couple, couples, toxic relationship, toxic relationships, hope, hopes, aspiration, aspirations"Negotiations are going to be tougher than I thought. Your wife is being backed by Syria."
"I think we should start making commitments to other people we can't keep."
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commitment, commitments, committing, noncommittal, fear of commitment, fears of commitment, couple, couples, dishonest, dishonesty, breakup, breakups, breaking up, break-up, break-ups, split up, splits up, splitting up, relationship problem, relationship problems, relationship trouble, relationship troubles, cheat, cheats, cheater, cheaters"Cherish this moment, because clearly our parents are getting a divorce."
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divorce, divorces, divorcing, christmas, xmas, x-mas, silver lining, silver linings, bright side, bright sides, present, presents, gift, gifts, guilty, guilt conscience, consciences, kid, kids, holiday season, holiday seasons, split up, splits up, splitting up, breakup, breakups, break up, breaking up, breaks up, christmas day, child, children, parent, parents"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."
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narcissist, narcissists, narcissistic, divorce, divorces, divorcing, personal note, personal notes, news, news anchor, news anchors, anchor, anchors, self-love, selfish, self-interest, self-interested, fall in love, falls in love, falling in love, break up, breaks up, breaking up, breakup, breakups, split up, splits up, splitting up, splitsville, husband, husbands, ex-husband, ego, egotist, egotists, egotisticalNight after night she stares at the lovely sea longing for her husband's departure.
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ghost story, ghost stories, husband, husbands, campfire story, campfire stories, scary story, scary stories, tale, tales, romance, seaside, departure, breakup, breakups, unhappy marriage, unhappy marriages, unhappy, split up, splits up, splitting up, couple, couples, miserable, misery, romance story, romance stories, longing, reversal, reversals"Only thing he can't crack is why his wife would just up and leave."
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crack up, cracks up, cracking up, safe, safes, safe cracker, safe crackers, divorce, divorces, divorces, criminal, criminals, career criminal, career criminals, thief, thieves, thieving, steal, steals, stealing, stolen, stolen goods, wife, wives, dumped, breakup, breakups, breaking up, break-up, break-ups, breaking up, split up, splits up, splitting up"It's not you, Frank, it's me - I don't like you."
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dating, relationships, dining, drinking, you, me, like, restaurants, women, let down, lets down, letting down, breakup, breakups, break up, break ups, breaking up, split up, splits up, splitting up, it's not you, it's me, dislike, dislikes, no spark, no chemistry, first date, first dates, mankoff"I'm sure you're a nice man, but I'm not interested in hearing your plan for a flat tax."
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flat tax, fairtax, fair tax, tax rate, tax rates, tax, taxes, taxing, taxation, conservative, conservatives, republican, republicans, libertarian, libertarians, obsession, obsessions, cut taxes, cutting taxes, right-wing, right-winger, right-wingers, singleminded, single-minded, breakup, breakups, breaking up, split up, splits up, splitting up, tax plan, tax plans, bad date, bad dates, date, dating, single"I've got to be honest, Maureen. I don't love you."
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love, loves, brutal, brutality, police, police brutality, cop, cops, heartless, heartlessness, breakup, breakups, break-up, break-ups, split up, splits up, splitting up, divorce, divorces, divorcing, accuse, accuses, accusation, accusations, accuser, accusers, heartless, cold-hearted, antipathy, anger, angers, angry, couple, couples, heartbreak, heartbreaker, heartbreakers, heartbroken, law enforcement"True, you have irreconcilable differences, but they're mainly about flossing."
Divorce Sale
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divorce, divorces, divorcing, yard sale, yard sales, split up, splits up, splitting up, break up, breaks up, breaking up, fundraiser, fundraisers, fundraising, bad marriage, bad marriages, breakup, breakups, homeowner, homeowners, home owner, home owners, alimony, settlement, settlements, settle, settles, settling"But won't you at least stay long enough to insure a smooth transition to your successor?"
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modern life, marriage, divorce, divorce culture, transition, transitions, transition team, transition teams, firing, firings, layoff, layoffs, laid off, redundancy, redundancies, split up, splits up, splitting up, breakup, breakups, breaking up, successor, successors, new wife, new wives, infidelity, infidelities, mankoff"You're a good husband, Dave - I just want to start marrying other people."
"There's nothing wrong with you, Steve - it's just you're the incumbent."
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wife, leaving, home, husband, fight, marital, problems, argument, deserting, suitcases, reasons, explanations, divorce, divorces, divorcing, marital problem, marital problems, walk out, walks out, walking out, split up, splits up, splitting up, breakup, breakups, breaking up, it's not you, incumbent, incumbents, lame duck, lame ducks, mankoff"It's not you—it's natural selection."
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natural selection, breakup, breakups, split up, splits up, splitting up, breaking up, break up, break ups, deer, buck, bucks, evolution, evolve, evolves, evolving, natural world, survival of the fittest, ex, exes, ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriend, ex-girlfriends, heartbreak, heartbroken, it's not you, breakup speech, breakup speeches, cliche, cliches, cliched, hunter, hunters, hunting, deer hunter, deer hunters, deer hunting, excuse, excuses, lame excuse, lame excuses