"Let's be reasonable. Just approve my client, and we'll all be spared a lot of nasty litigation."
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st. peter, saint peter, representation, legal representation, lawyer, lawyers, defense attorney, defense attorneys, attorney, attorneys, litigation, lawsuit, lawsuits, intimidate, intimidates, intimidation, intimidating, client, clients, veiled threat, veiled threats, judgement, judgements, judgment, judgments, judge, judges, representative, representatives"Actually, I preferred 'Heaven,' too, but then the marketing guys got hold of it."
"Did you bring a duplicate copy of your 'Times' obit with you?"
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, paperwork, document, documents, proof, evidence, death certificate, death certificates, government, governments, bureaucracy, duplicate, copy, copies, obituary, obituaries, obit, obits, news, newspaper, newspapers, media, getting into heaven"No, no, that's not a sin, either. My goodness, you must have worried yourself to death."
"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."
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early detection, diagnosis, diagnoses, medical advance, medical advances, terminal, terminal illness, terminal illnesses, uncurable, condition, conditions, pearly gates, afterlife, st. peter, saint peter, heaven, heaven's gate, rare disease, rare diseases, disease, diseases, illness, illnesses, sickness, sick, prolonging life"Wait, those weren't lies. That was spin!"
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lie, lies, lying, spin, spins, spinning, spin doctor, spin doctors, damage control, saint peter, st. peter, pr, public relations, pr rep, pr reps, pr representative, pr representatives, heaven, heavenly gates, heaven's gate, gates of heaven, plead, pleads, pleading, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, argue a case, arguing a case, argue, argues, arguing"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, god, watching, leak, leaks, leaked, transgression, transgressions, sins, know, knowing, everything, surveillance, under surveillance, no privacy, invasion of privacy, security, entering heavenConcierge in Heaven
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concierge, concierges, heaven, heavenly gates, st. peter, saint peter, saint, saints, hotel, hotels, guest, guests, afterlife, afterlives, angel, angels"Damn! God gave me that pen."
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heaven, heavenly, saint, saints, st. peter, saint peter, lost pen, lost pens, pen, pens, valuable, afterlife, afterlives, sentimental value, misplace, misplaces, misplaced, misplacing, careless, carelessness, saint, saints"Ah! Here you are - over on the s**t list."
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saint peter, st peter, st. peter, heavenly gates, pearly gates, afterlife, afterlives, saint, saints, sins, sinning, naughty list, naughty lists, vice, vices, evil, evils, eternal life, hell, hells, hades, after-life, after-lives, underworld"No, sorry, you'll still be dumb."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, dumb, stupid, sorry, apology, apologies, apologising, apologizing, fate, forever, still, second chance, second chances, hopeless"So you can take it with you!"
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cliche, cliches, heaven, pearly gate, pearly gates, afterlife, death, dead, you can't take it with you, heaven's gate, possession, possessions, greed, greedy, materialism, entering heaven, entrance to heaven, death, after death, st. peter's gate, st. peter, saint peter, saint peter's gate, getting into heaven, golf club, golf clubs, golfer, golfers, grill, grills, barbecue, barbecues"Malcolm W. Dunlap, violin repairs. Malcolm, we are so pleased to see you."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, violin, violins, music, musical instrument, musical instruments, instrument, instruments, repair, luthier, luthiers, violin repair, violin repairs, pleased, glad"Well, all your good deeds appear to be in order - now all that's left is the cavity search."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, entering heaven, good deed, good deeds, requirement, requirements, admission, bureaucracy, security, cavity search, cavity searches, security screening, security screenings, tsa, t.s.a., transportation security administration, department of homeland security, invasive, invasion of privacy, invasions of privacy"It says here that you gave a lot of money to both parties and neither expected nor received anything in return. Very nice, but we'll have to put you in the crazy section."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, entering heaven, charity, charitable, donation, donations, donor, donors, philanthropy, good deed, good deeds, money, politics, political party, political parties, republican party, republican, republicans, gop, grand old party, democrat, democrats, democratic party, campaign, campaigns, political, financing, crazy, both, campaign financing, political donor, political donors, funding, section, sections, corruption, campaign donations, campaign donors"Go ahead, finish your beer."
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heaven, gates of heaven, pearly gates, pearl gates, the pearly gates, st peter, st. peter, saint peter, pig, pigs, bbq, bbqs, barbecue, barbecues, barbeques, barbeque, judgement, judgement day, dying, after life, the afterlife, afterlife, the after life, meat eater, meat eaters, omnivore, omnivores"Quick! I need some more charitable donations!"
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, businessman, businessmen, charity, donation, donations, charitable, charitable donation, charitable donations, entering heaven, buying your way into heaven, indulgence, indulgences, money, corruption, corrupt, wealthy, rich, the one percent, the 1%"St. Peter retired some time back. I'm St. Bill."
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heaven, dying, going to heaven, the afterlife, afterlife, st peter, st. peter, pearly gates, christian, christianity, christian, retiring, retired, let down, let downs, let-down, let downs, disappointment, disappointments, disappointing, corporate, corporate world, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, office worker, office workers, office work, office job, office jobs"I hear they're desperate for new users."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, new arrivals, social media, social network, social networks, social networking, technology, marketing, advertising, advertisement, advertisements, advertising, ad, ads, desperate, desperation, user, users, new users, sign up, signing up, computer, computers, online, internet, modern lifeScalpers Work The Queue At Heaven's Gates
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deathbed, terminal, death, dead, die, died, dying, dies, heaven, heavenly, heavens, heavenly gates, pearly gates, st peter, peter, saint, saints, angel, angels, angelic, angelically, religious, god, gods, lord, religions, religious imagery, st. peter, the heavens, after life, after-life, afterlife, life after death, paradise, paradiso, nirvana, condolence, condolences, sympathy, sympathies, ticket, tickets, ticketted, ticketed, scalped, scalps, scalp, scalper, scalpers, con, cons, conned, entry, enter, entrance, sport, sports, baseball"It's Amnesty International. They want to see the people we're holding."
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limbo, purgatory, human rights, human rights violation, human rights violations, international law, international laws, heaven, hell, angel, angels, angelic, jailed, jailing, habeus corpus, habeus corpus rights, human rights violator, human rights violators, st. peter, saint peter, god, pearly gates, afterlife, afterlives