"Wait a minute. We're lemurs! Lemurs!"
Tags:lemur, lemurs, primate, primates, primatologist, primatologists, primatology, lemming, lemmings, misunderstanding, misunderstandings, misunderstood, accident, accidents, suicides, suicidal, regret, regrets, regretting, warning, warnings, warn, warns, madagascar, soundalike, soundalikes, fatal mistake, fatal mistakes, mistake, mistakes, mistaken, identity crisis
"Looks like broker-assisted suicide."
Tags:stockbroker, stockbrokers, broker, brokers, stock, stocks, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial, financials, finance, finances, bankrupt, bankruptcy, bankruptcies, bankrupted, suicides, assisted suicide, assisted suicides, depression, depressions, depressed, portfolio, portfolios
"What I'll miss most is his indefatigable optimism."
Tags:optimist, optimists, optimism, incinerate, incinerates, incinerating, incineration, immolation, self-immolation, suicides, suicidal, monk, monks, pessimist, pessimists, pessimism, glass half full, glass half empty, outlook, outlooks, positive outlook, positive outlooks, cheerful, cheerfulness, cheer, good cheer, burn, burns, burning, reminisce, reminisces, reminiscing
A man hangs himself in the voting booth.
Tags:vote, votes, voting day, voting days, voting booth, voting booths, choice, choices, psychology, psychologist, psychologists, hang, hangs, hanging, suicides, suicidal, difficult choice, difficult choice, option, options, bad option, bad options, candidate, candidates, politician, politicians, democracy, democracies, democratic system, democratic traditions, least worst option, least worst options, lesser of two evils, two evils, compromise, compromises, compromising, compromise candidate, compromise candidates
What Lemmings Believe
"It's your real-estate agent. She says she may have found you a higher ledge."
Tags:dark humour, dark humor, gallows humor, gallows, gallows humour, black humor, black humour, jump, jumping, ledge, jump off, ledges, real-estate, real estate, apartment, apartments, sales, sales pitch, hard sell, bad timing, timing, talk down, suicides, suicidal, ledge, ledges, location, locations, leap, leaps, leaping
"A well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, we need cheap, available handguns."
Tags:second amendment, 2nd amendment, constitution, us constitution, united states constitution, bill of rights, gun, guns, gun culture, mass shooting, mass shooting, school shooting, school shootings, handgun, handguns, well-regulated militia, well-regulated militias, militia, militias, antiquated, inexpensive, gun nut, gun nuts, founding fathers, founding father, james madison, thomas jefferson, free state, free states, america, united states, united states of america, usa, shooting, shootings, suicides, gun crime, gun violence
"Nope. Looks to me like a clear-cut case of suicide by somehow reaching around behind the back and sticking a knife in backward. Let's get a drink."
Tags:detective, detectives, police, crimes, police officer, police officers, officer, officers, stab, criminal, stabbing, stabs, stabbed, kill, killed, killing, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, murderous, investigation, investigating, investigate, investigation, investigates, scene, crime scene, crime scenes, lazy, conclusion, unlikely, conclusions, laziness, work, working, bored, suicidal, suicides, incompetence, incompetent, cover up, coverup, cover-up, cover ups
"I'm sorry. Mr. Broadbank seems to have stepped away from his desk."
Tags:financial crisis, market crash, market crashes, crash, crashes, great recession, recession, recessions, secretary, secretaries, unflappable, placid, calm, demeanor, demeanors, demeanour, suicides, suicidal, executive, executives, business executive, banker, bankers, banking, housing crash, housing crashes, market correction, market corrections, finances, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers
"I'm only going to the party because the suicide attempt failed."
Tags:suicides, death, suicide attempt, suicide attempts, attempted suicide, noose, rope, hang, depressed, depression, mental health, party, avoid, relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, anti-social, antisocial, anti social, death wish, suicidal, introvert, introverted, introverts
"Oh dear Lord no! There had to have been another way!"
"Note the small zipper pocket of your sales kit. It contains a cyanide capsule."
Tags:zipper, zippers, cyanide, sales, sales kit, sales kits, salesman, salesperson, salespeople, sales, meeting, meetings, assisted suicide, suicides, hierarchy, hierarchies, corporate hierarchy, corporate hierarchies, cyanide tablet, cyanide tablets, boss, bosses, corporate ladder, corporate ladders
"Does anyone know C.P.A.?"
Tags:certified public accountant, certified public accountants, cpa, cpas, c.p.a., c.p.a.s, cardiopulmonary resuscitation, cardiopulmonary resuscitations, cpr, cprs, suicides, medical emergency, medical emergencies, emergency procedure, emergency procedures, file, files, paperwork, paper puher, paper pushers, bureaucracy, bureaucracies, bureaucrat, bureaucrats, accountant, accountants, accountancy
"Damn it, Franklin - when will you learn to delegate."
Tags:exec, execs, executive, executives, suicides, suicidal, death wish, death wishes, delegate, delegates, delegating, delegation, delegations, overworked, overwork, overworking, overworks, office job, office jobs, office worker, boss, bosses, stress, stressed, stressed out, stressfulness, corporate ladder, work-life balance, life-work balance, management, managements, manager, managers, leadership skill, leadership skills
A pigeon is about to jump off a roof.
"Sir, he left a suicide deck."
Tags:lemon drop, lemon drops, lemming, lemmings, suicides, suicidal, mass suicide, mass suicides, jump off a cliff, jumps off a cliff, jumping off a cliff, happy, happiness, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, psychiatrics, psychiatric care, mental health, cheer up, cheers up, cheering up, mistake, mistakes, bad choice, bad choices
"I'm having my wedding ring melted down into a bullet."
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship problems, relationship difficulty, relationship difficulties, wedding ring, wedding rings, break-up, break-ups, break up, break ups, divorce, divorces, divorced, divorce attorney, jewelry, bullet, bullets, guns, gun, homicide, homicides, suicides, depression, depressed, marriage, marriage problems, marriage issues, marriage ending, marital problems, marital issues
"Sometimes I feel like salting myself."
"Now, that's the kind of innovative thinking I'd like to see around our shop."
Tags:stockbroker, stockbrokers, broker, brokers, suicides, suicidal, market crash, market crashes, crash, crashes, stock market, stock markets, investor, investors, innovate, innovates, innovating, innovator, innovators, innovation, innovations, office worker, office workers, bear market, bear markets, executive, executives, corporate hierarchy, corporate hierarchies, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, approval, boss, bosses, manager, managers, upper management
"...but I have a fourth Epstein theory..."
Tags:tic-tac-toe, tic tac toe, naughts and crosses, noughts and crosses, suicidal, danger, dangerous, suicide mission, lose, lost, already lost, game, games, paper-and-pencil, losing, danger, dangerous, hold back, suicidal, angry, anger, cliche, cliches, suicides, survive, surviving, personification, personified
"It's from the boss. We're to commit mass suicide."
"Lieutenant, he left a suicide sticky."
Meet the lemmings! ...Oops, too late.
Tags:lemming, lemmings, introduction, introductions, dark humour, black humour, lemmings jumping off cliffs, kids show, kids shows, kids' show, kids' shows, too late, bad timing, badly timed, mistimed, out off time, suicides, lemming suicide, lemming suicides, rodent, rodents, mass suicide, mass suicides