"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."
Tags:medicine, medical, doctor, doctors, anaesthesiology, anaesthesiologist, anaesthesiologists, operation, operations, surgery, surgeries, unconscious, club, clubs, hit, knock out, knocked out, knock-out, knocked-out, put to sleep, patient, patients, prehistoric, cavemen, caveman, cave, caves, history, prehistory, ancient
"Cosmetic dentistry changed my life."
Tags:animal, animals, anthro, anthropomorphic, anthropomorphism, alligator, gator, gators, croc, crocodile, beauty, beautiful, medical, surgery, surgeon, dental, dental work, had work done, image clash, animals with human teeth, cosmetic, cosmetics, cosmetic dentistry, dentist, dentists, dentistry, life-changing, life changing, appearances, appearance, happy customer, happy customers, swamp
"Of course, it's a highly experimental procedure, but we're trying out new techniques from other disciplines all the time."
Tags:procedure, procedures, medical procedure, medical procedures, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, experiment, experiments, experimental, medication, medications, gas, gasoline, petrol, pump, pumps, fill her up, fill 'er up, service station, service stations, petrol station, petrol stations, trial, trials, trial clinic, trial clinics, technique, techniques, new technique, new techniques, hospital bed, hospital beds, hospitalized, hospitalization
"Science is baffled. I hope you're happy."
Tags:check-up, check up, check ups, check-ups, check, checks, doctor, doctors, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, clinic, clinics, physician, physical, physical exam, exam, examination, appointment, appointments, doctor, doctors, healthy, healthily, healthy lifestyle, lifestyle, lifestyles, lifestyle change, get well, get well soon, baffled, baffle, visual gag, line, lines, abstract, squiggle, squiggly, science is
"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."
"Well, yes, it's a routine procedure - if you routinely have someone slice open your body with sharp instruments and then fiddle with your insides."
Tags:doctor, patient, surgery, medical, consultation, surgery, surgeries, routine procedure, routine procedures, under the knife, going under the knife, casual, casualness, surgeon, surgeons, apprehension, apprehensive, nervous, nervousness, anxious, anxiousness, anxiety, anxieties, procedure, procedures, appendectomy, appendectomies, tonsil, tonsils, tonsillitis, mankoff
"We did find a creative bone in your body, but it was very untalented."
Tags:creative bone, single creative bone, creative, creativity, imagination, imaginative, talent, talented, untalented, hidden talent, hidden talents, insult, insults, creatives, creative person, creative people, bedside manner, surgeon, surgeons, operation, operation, surgery, bone structure, skeleton, expression, expressions, saying, sayings
"You know, doctor, right now I'd really prefer if your sense of humor were a tad less self-deprecating."
Tags:expert, expertise, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, operate, under the knife, self-deprecating, self-deprecation, unnerve, unnerves, unnerving, upset, upsets, upsetting, surgeon, surgeons, sense of humor, senses of humor, sense of humour, senses of humour, problem, problems, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, anxious, anxiety, anxieties, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, bedside manner, manner, manners
"We'll widen the clogged artery by inserting a balloon."
Tags:artery, arteries, clogged artery, clogged arteries, blockage, blockages, blocked artery, blocked arteries, angioplasty, angioplasties, heart trouble, heart troubles, heart attack, heart attacks, stent, stents, balloon, balloons, literal, literally, heart surgery, heart surgeries, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, coronary artery, coronary arteries, blood vessel, blood vessels, medical procedure, medical procedures
"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."
Tags:anesthesia, anaesthesia, anesthesiologist, anesthesiologists, anaesthetist, anaesthetists, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, surgical procedure, surgical procedures, operation, operations, painkiller, painkillers, general anaesthetic, general anaesthetics, general anesthetic, general anesthetics
"Kids, your mother and I have spent so much money on health insurance this year that instead of vacation we're all going to go in for elective surgery."
"His final wish was that all his medical bills be paid promptly."
Tags:medicine, medicines, medic, medical, medics, medical joke, modern medicine, modern world, exploit, exploitation, consumerism, consumer, capitalist, capitalism, private, private healthcare, healthcare, health, public healthcare, medicare, medi care, nhs, national health service, pro nhs, pro medicare, national health care, obamacare, death, dead, family, bitter humor, bitter humour, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, dark humor, dark humour, console, consoling, consolation, intensive care, sick, sickness, ill, illness, illnesses, sicknesses, doctor, doctors, surgeon, surgeons, surgery
"Good news, Mr. Herndon. We worked out the budget, and we have a kidney."
Tags:budget, budgets, kidney, kidneys, pig, pigs, pork, organ, organs, organ donation, organ donations, organ donor, organ donors, donate, donates, donating, transplant, transplants, transplanting, budget crunch, budget crunches, discount, discounts, discount deal, discount deals, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, american healthcare, healthcare system, healthcare systems, insurance, health insurance
"And, in our continuing effort to minimize surgical costs, I'll be hitting you over the head and tearing you open with my bare hands."
Tags:cost, costs, surgical cost, surgical costs, medical expense, medical expenses, medical bill, medical bills, insurance, american healthcare, healthcare, health care, health insurance, save money, saves money, saving money, operation, operations, expense, expenses, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, cost-saving, cost-saving measure, cost-saving measures
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, operation, operations, operating, o.r., o.r.s, or, ors, operating room, operating rooms, operation room, operation rooms, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, nurse, clear, cupid, cupids, eros, bow, bows, arrow, arrows, bow and arrow, shooting, love, valentine's day, valentines day, myth, myths, legend, legends, heart, hearts, heart surgery, heart surgeries, heart surgeon, heart surgeons, cardiologist, cardiologists, cardiology
"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."
Tags:replacement, hip replacement, robot, robots, bits and bobs, trash, garage sale, yard sale, replaced, replace, upgrade, upgrades, prosthetic, prosthetics, amputees, prosthesis, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, get well, get well soon, hospital, hospitals, doctor, doctors, hip, hips, joint, joints, arthritis, growing old, older, age, aged, ageing
"Now with a firm twist, I'll remove his attorney."
Tags:attorney, attorneys, lawyer, lawyers, legal team, legal teams, growth, growths, tumor, tumors, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, removal, removals, legal representation, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, hospital, hospitals, procedure, procedures, removal, removals, legal representative, cancer, cancers
"We found this in your brain."
"If I knew where I'd lost the sponge, it wouldn't be lost, now, would it?"
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, operation, operations, operating, o.r., o.r.s, or, ors, operating room, operating rooms, operation room, operation rooms, surgery, surgeries, surgeon, surgeons, lost, sponge, sponges, problem, problems, complication, complications, mistake, mistakes, malpractice, medical malpractice
"The doctor would like to know if anyone else out here needs surgery before he puts his stuff away."
"What about that! His brain still uses the old vacuum tubes."
Tags:brain, brains, mind, surgery, surgeons, surgeon, doctor, doctors, medical, medicine, operation, operations, patient, patients, vacuum tubes, vacuum tube, computer, computers, first-generation, first generation, technology, progress, circuit, circuits, hospital, hospitals, surprise, evolution, evolve, evolving, technologies, digital, digitalisation, digitalization
"We find pizza softens the blow of bad news."
Tags:bad, bad news, bearer of bad news, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, hospital, hospitals, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, death, dead, black humor, black humour, comfort food, comforting, comfort, food, pizza, pizzas, dark humor, dark humour, gallows humor, gallows humour, death, dead, died, dying, terminal, terminal illness, medical, medicine
"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."
Tags:doctor, doctors, surgery, surgeries, expense, expenses, medical expense, medical expenses, prep, preps, prepare, prepares, preparing, medical bill, medical bills, billing, hospital, hospitals, hospitalization, hospital bed, hospital beds, debt, debts, co-pay, co-pays, co-payment, payment, payments, obamacare, aca, affordable care act, repeal, repeals, repealing
How The Elephant Lost Her Trunk
Tags:wildlife, animal, animals, cosmetic, cosmetic surgery, surgery, nose job, nose, noses, plastic surgery, cosmetically, cosmetics, surgery, surgeon, surreal, horrifying, strange, imagery, strange imagery, elephant, elephants, trunk, trunks, kid, kids, story, stories, croc, crocodile, crocodiles, face, faces, rhinoplasty, doctor, doctors, modern, modern life, modern world, beautiful, standards, standard
"And would you be performing the actual surgery?"
Tags:surgery, surgeries, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, surgeon, surgeons, tie, ties, tying, ominous, warning, warnings, ominous sign, ominous signs, warning sign, warning signs, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, paranoia, paranoid, clumsy, klutz, klutzes, klutzy, fumble, fumbles, fumbling