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"The following program is rated P, for 'poop.' "
"The following program has been judged likely to erode the national will."
"Thanks, Bruce, for that featherhead item. Now it's back to Ed, with a story that will scare the pants off everyone."
"...And what if another 14 year old with a camera-phone gets more viewers tomorrow night, too?"
"This ought to bring in the young demographic!"
"And as the campaign heats up, the latest poll shows the Dan Rather news team running slightly ahead of the Peter Jennings news team, with Tom Brokaw team just two points back and gaining."
Sorry You Have Temporarily Lost Your Audience
"We sure appreciate your doing all you can to make the weather interesting, Herb!"