Unqualified Cartoons

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"Learned counsel should use shorter words. Learned counsel is forgetting that this Court was not an 'A' student."

"What the hell? We could use an idiot."

"It's Harvard, Professor. They want to know when you're going to grade last June's exams."

"My team of advisers is so fantastic it's unbelievable."

"Who am I to question our government's policies? I'll tell you who I am! I'm Bernard A. Nesbitt, who reads the 'Times,' the 'Wall Street Journal,' the 'Post,' 'Newsweek,' 'Time,' 'Business Week,' 'U.S.News & World Report,' 'Look,' 'Life,' and 'Saturday Evening Post.' That's who I am!"

"I spy something red."

"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."

"Do you have any references?"

"And now I'd like you to join me in welcoming to the board Arne Savin from Morgan Stanley, Chet Bentson from Bankers Trust, and Tempest Dawn from 'Baywatch.'"

Mrs. Lipman lacked organizational skills.

"I forgot to say I was breast-fed."

"While you were out, somebody with three names called."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

"I want you to switch from alchemy and shape-shifting to job creation."

"Wow, that sounds like a hell of an investment to me!"

"Let me through! I'm a quack."

"But I might need time off to grab my gun and rush home to defend my family."

"Of course it's depressing. It's supposed to be depressing. It's a tragedy."

"I trust him - he has a science background."

"I'm not technically a quote-unquote lawyer, but I do own a paper shredder and have visited several prisons."

Multiple Personality Psychiatrists

"Let me through, I'm a pharmaceutical rep."

"Until my diplomas come back from the framer I don't feel comfortable giving you a diagnosis."

"The new position not only comes with a bump in salary, but allows me to extend my reach into areas where I'm not qualified."