"Dumbledore smiled, his eyes twinkling."
Tags:bedtime story, bedtime stories, bedtime reading, bedtime, sleep, going to sleep, sleeping, childrens book, childrens books, childrens literature, kids books, childish, role reversal, reversal of roles, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, reading aloud, reading, read, story, stories, child, children, nostalgia, absurd, weird bedtime routine, weird bedtimes, weird, absurd bedtime story
"I'm looking for something that will keep people away from me on the subway."
Tags:commute, commutes, commuting, commuter, commuters, subway, train, trains, metro, underground, tube, crowded, book, books, literature, novel, novels, reading, bookstore, bookstores, bookshop, bookshops, urban, urban life, city, cities, city life, life in the city, keep people away, uncomfortable, awkward, strange, weird, transportation, public transportation
"Very good. Now go out there and convince others."
Tags:happy, happiness, smile, smiles, smiling, convince, convinces, convincing, unconvincing, unnerving, sales, salesman, salesmen, salesperson, salespeople, disingenuous, lie, lies, lying, liar, liars, pep, peppy, upbeat, unnatural, creepy, permanent, permanence, weird, weirdness, buy, buys, buying, stiff
"Three tones will follow. Then there will be some buzzing noises, a woman giggling, and the incomparable Louis Armstrong singing 'I'll be glad when you're dead, you rascal you.' The woman giggling marks the correct time."
"I'm guessing it's too soon in the relationship for me to totally creep you out."
A watch face with Stonehenge
Budget Sideshow Attractions
"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."
Tags:social crutch, social crutches, pirate, pirates, captain, captains, bar, bars, pub, pubs, drink, drinks, drinking, social, sociable, social anxiety, anxious, self conscious, problem, problems, obstacles, social awkwardness, awkward, weirdo, weirdos, weird, knife, knives, concerning, threatening
"No, you didn't wake me. I always sound like this."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, frog, frogs, amphibian, amphibians, phone, phones, telephone, telephones, call, calls, talking on the phone, talking on the telephone, conversation, conversations, frog in your throat, voice, voices, hoarse, froggy, sound, sounds, sounding, waking up, morning, mornings, wake up, strange, unusual, weird
"Don't look now, but I believe your snake is strangling that dog."
Tags:animal, animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, dog, dogs, dog owner, dog owners, snake, snakes, snake owner, snake owners, pet snake, walking the dog, dog walking, walkies, leash, leashes, strangle, strangling, confused, mistaken, mistake, mistakes, misunderstanding, misunderstandings, neighbour, neighbours, neighbor, neighbors, suburbs, suburbia, strange, weird, unusual
1,001 Cheap Disguises
Tags:disguise, disguised, disguises, book, books, bad disguise, bad disguises, weirdo, weird, how-to, costume, costumes, fancy dress, park, parks, creep, creeps, creepy, hide, hidden, hiding, conceal, concealed, mask, camo, camouflage, masks, impersonate, impersonator, impersonators, impostor, impostors
"Sorry about the mask. I'm always afraid my fame will overwhelm people."
Tags:date, dates, dating, blind date, first date, cocktail party, cocktail parties, vanity, vain, ego, big ego, egomaniac, egocentric, egotistical, egotistic, arrogant, arrogance, men, famous, full of yourself, conceited, pretentious, meeting people, social anxiety, social anxieties, socially awkward, oddball, weird, weirdo, mask, masked
"Just once I would like to laugh or to frown."
Tags:fish, expressionless, expressions, facial expressions, laugh, frown, emotions, emotion, show emotion, desplay emotions, emotionless, dreams, dream, impossible dream, impossible dreams, desire, desires, unachievable dream, unachievable dreams, surreal, bizzare, unusual, weird, thoughts, thinking aloud, think aloud, talking nonsense
"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mommy, mum, mums, mummy, mother, mothers, motherhood, family, families, park, parks, playground, playgrounds, playing, scolding, scold, telling off, angry, anger, reprimand, reprimanding, mad, voice, voices, tone of voice, calm, weird, strange, unusual
"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."
Tags:drama, dramas, dramatic, dramatics, theater, theaters, theatre, theatres, dramaturgy, dramatic composition, relationship, relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, breaking the rules, rule, rules, break the rules, strange, unusual, weird, behavior, behaviour, actor, actors, acting, performer, performers
"I'll stick with the rubber pork chop."
Tags:restaurant, restaurants, dining out, eating out, meal, meals, food, eating, dining, waiter, waiters, server, servers, service, customer service, order, orders, ordering, menu, menus, pork, pork chop, pork chops, rubber, toy, toys, dog toy, dog toys, chew toy, chew toys, animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, talking pet, talking pets, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, talking dog, talking dogs, dog, dogs, canine, canines, dog owner, dog owners, customer, customers, patron, patrons, customer request, customer requests, strange, unusual, weird
Tags:preexisting conditions, pre-existing conditions, preexisting condition, pre-existing condition, condition, conditions, annoying, preexisting, pre-existing, stupid, dumb, obnoxious, weird, strange, devious, sneaky, sly, crafty, personality, personalities, personality trait, personality traits, disposition, dispositions, types of people
"Where the conspiracy theories of the right overlap the conspiracy theories of the left, you'll find Richard."
Tags:left, left wing, right, right wing, venn, venn diagram, diagram, overlap, overlaps, overlapping, extreme, extremism, extreme views, conspiracy, conspiracy theory, conspiracy theories, theory, theories, internet, internet age, internet culture, culture, counter culture, pop culture, inevitable, inevitability, modern, modern life, modern world, information, inform, information age, era, tech, technological, conspiracy theorist, crazy, strange, weird, believe, trick, tricked, spook, spooked, tin foil hat, tinfoil hat, tin-foil hat
"I'm still spending a lot of money, but I'm spending it ironically."
High School Schedule
Tags:highschool, highschools, high school, high schools, highschoolers, highschooler, high-school, high-schools, student, students, pupil, pupils, teacher, teachers, school, schools, timetable, timetables, schedule, schedules, period, periods, class, classes, lesson, lessons, drawing, draw, doodle, doodler, doodling, artist, art, shape, shapes, pattern, patterns, form, forms, random, weird, margin, margins, focus, concentration, concentrate, distracted, learning, teaching, education, school life, children, child, kid, kids
"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."
Tags:flying, flight, flights, airplane, airplanes, aeroplane, aeroplanes, aircraft, aircrafts, aviation, plane, planes, light, prop, pilot, pilots, brick, bricks, lob, throw, toss, drops, animal, animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, cat, cats, cat owner, cat owners, relationship, relationships, love, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, strange, weird, unusual, crazy
"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."
Tags:court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, legal system, justice system, law, laws, legal, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, witness, witnesses, question, questions, questioning, witness stand, object, objection, objections, weird, line, line of questioning, prosecution, prosecutor, prosecutors, defense, defence, unusual, strange
"It's some odd-ball salesman."
Tags:oddball, oddballs, odd-ball, odd-balls, weird, weirdo, weirdos, freak, freaks, freak show, freak shows, salesperson, salespeople, salesman, salesmen, different, difference, differences, perspective, perspectives, perspective shift, perspective shifts, strange, strangeness, outcast, outcasts, social outcast, social outcasts
"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."
Tags:guitar, guitars, guitarist, guitarists, musician, musicians, music, musical, concert, concerts, sing, singing, singer, singers, song, songs, solo, solos, arts, artist, artists, instrument, instruments, lyric, lyrics, record, records, record label, label, labels, management, manager, managers, unique, different, strange, weird, better luck, good luck, hack, hacks, modern life, capitalism, capitalist, consumerism