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"He misspoke, I misheard, then shots rang out."
"We have records of all the bad wine you bring to dinner parties."
"Can you describe your assailant, his weapon and a funny occupation to our improv sketch artist?"
"Anything you say can be used in a very exciting new true-crime podcast we're working on."
"We apologize – our normal sketch artist is out with the flu."
"I love my testimony. You've really captured my voice."