"Ulrich, that's bad science and you know it!"
Tags:witch, witches, wizard, wizards, cauldron, cauldrons, alchemy, alchemist, alchemists, potion, potions, spell, spells, magic, magic spell, magic spells, scientist, scientists, test, tests, testing, scientific method, sorcerer, sorcerers, sorcery, science, know better, knows better, quack, quacks
"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."
"Hobart, this is Merlin, my science adviser."
Tags:king, kings, monarch, monarchs, sovereign, sovereigns, ruler, rulers, royalty, royal, king arthur, arthur, merlin, arthurian, arthurian legend, arthurian legends, camelot, literature, history, medieval, science, scientific, advisor, advisors, adviser, advisers, magic, magician, magicians, wizard, wizards, wise, intelligent, advise, advice, pseudo, spurious, pretend
"Ready, Harold? You're the wicked troll and I'm the garden fairy, and you're very angry because you don't want me passing over your bridge on my way to Grandma's house!"
Chinese New Year
"Ugh, stop it, Dad- everyone knows you're not making this happen!"
Tags:parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, dad, dads, father, fathers, dad joke, dad jokes, bad joke, bad k jokes, embarrass, embarrassing, embarrassment, embarrassments, wizard, wizards, space shuttle, space shuttles, take off, take-off, space exploration, technology, modern technology, modern technologies, rocket, rockets, space rocket, space rockets
"Take heed! For your journey is filled with long delays and unexpected service changes."
Tags:train, trains, train station, train stations, transport, transportation, public transport, public transportation, delay, delays, service change, service changes, commute, commuter, commuters, wizard, wizards, canal st, canal street, nyc, new york, warlock, warlocks, sorcerer, sorcerers, magic, magician, magicians
"Take heed! For your journey is filled with long delays and unexpected service charges!"
Tags:commuting, commuter, commuters, transportation, public transportation, public transit, passenger, passengers, train, trains, subway, subways, metro, metros, underground, new york, new york city, ny, nyc, warning, warnings, service change, service changes, service, bad service, delay, delays, delayed, late, wizard, wizards, forewarning, foreshadowing, foretelling, journey, journeys, modern life
"I'm going to the store—do we need anything?"
Tags:witch, witches, wizard, wizards, magic, cauldron, cauldrons, brew, brews, brewing, potion, potions, magic potion, magic potions, broom, brooms, broomstick, broomstick, flying broom, flying brooms, flying broomstick, flying broomsticks, relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, errand, errands, chore, chores, running errands, food, food shopping, food store, food stores, grocery, groceries, grocery shopping, grocery store, grocery stores, supermarket, supermarkets, ingredients, running to the store, running to the shops, list, lists, grocery list, grocery lists, shopping list, shopping lists, halloween
"He's done it your majesty! He's turned lead into a screenplay!"
Tags:screenplay, screenplays, screen writer, screen writers, screenwriter, screenwriters, alchemy, alchemist, alchemists, wizard, wizards, magician, magicians, film industry, the film industry, movie industry, the movie industry, bad idea, bad ideas, producer, producers, movie producer, movie producers, film producer, film producers, king, kings, royal, royals, royalty
"Use thy core!"
Tags:excalibur, king arthur, merlin, camelot, arthurian, literature, myth, myths, legend, legends, folklore, magic, sword, swords, stone, stones, wizard, wizards, britain, british, united kingdom, health, fitness, strength, personal trainer, personal trainers, advice, advising, core, exercise, pulling, encouraging, encouragement
"I want you to switch from alchemy and shape-shifting to job creation."
Tags:wizard, wizards, merlin, magician, magicians, alchemy, alchemist, alchemists, king, kings, royal, royals, royality, government, governments, dictator, dictators, dictatorship, inexperience, inexperienced, unemployment, unemployment issues, unemployment crisis, shape shifting, shape shifter, shape shifter, shape-shifting, shape-shifter, shape-shifters, unqualified, under-qualified, under qualified, bad leadership, reshuffles, reshuffle cabinet reshuffle, cabinet reshuffles, reshuffling, cabinet reshuffling
"The magic's still there, but the sex is terrible."
Tags:wizard, wizards, sorcerer, sorcerers, sorcery, magician, magicians, magic, magic spell, magic spells, crowd, crowd sourcing, crowd source, crowd sourced, crowd sources, heckler, hecklers, unsolicited advice, heckling, unwanted advice, magical duel, magical duels, wizardry, helpful suggestions, incantation, incantations
"I only see the tech guru and the financial wizard. No sign of the systems ninja."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office, offices, office life, employee, employees, worker, workers, financial wizard, financial wizards, wizard, wizards, tech guru, tech gurus, guru, gurus, wiseman, wisemen, wise man, wise men, ninja, ninjas, systems ninja, systems ninja, it, i.t., information technology, department, departments, technology, computer, computers, title, titles, invisible, invisibility, word play, wordplay
"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."
Tags:witch, witches, wizard, wizards, warlock, warlocks, witch trials, trials, vampire, vampires, myth, myths, mythological, mythology, mythologies, painting, ancestry, ancestor, ancestors, grandfather, grandfather, occult, satanism, satanic, black mass, black masses, horror, classic horror, happy halloween, halloween, spooky, scary, creepy, fear, portrait, portraits
"Wait. Let me have one more try."
Tags:wizard, wizards, warlock, warlocks, magic, magics, magician, magicians, robe, robes, magic wand, wand, incantation, incantations, spell, spells, ritual, rituals, black magic, white magic, can, can opener, open, opening, wife, wives, husbands and wives, husband and wife, married, married life, marriage, married couple, one more try, one more, help, helping, helping hand
"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."
Tags:dark ages, wizard, wizards, magician, magicians, alchemist, alchemists, alchemy, therapist, therapists, therapy, shrink, shrinks, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, psychiatry, psychologist, psychologists, psychology, potion, potions, medieval period, middle ages, medieval age, unsophisticated, culture, depression, depressed, mental health, mental state
"Oh well, I'm off the see the orthopedist."
"Yes, we know the system is down. Our technical people are working on it right now."
Tags:office, office worker, system, systems, computers, computer system, break, broke, broken, down, technical department, it, i.t., it department, tech support, technical support, it men, fix, fixing, magic, working their magic, wizard, wizards, sorcery, sorcerers, magician, magicians, conjure, conjuring, spiritual, potion, potion making, mantra, spell, spells, technical wizardry, computer wizard, problem solving, witch doctor, shaman, fortune teller, fortune tellers
"The road head is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."
Tags:knight, knights, train, trains, training, wizard, wizards, wizardry, road, the road ahead, danger, dangers, lawyer, lawyers, barrister, barristers, protect, protecting, protection, legal, legal matters, sue, sues, sueing, medical insurance, medical cover, threat, threats, threatening, battle, battles, medical treatment
"And I want to ask the wizard for a loan."
When Wizards Get Drunk